20 Reasons You Can Still Get Away With Being an Alcoholic

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Yeah, your social drinking habits have taken quite a hit as you make the majestic journey into your mid-20s. That doesn’t mean that your personal drinking habits have to take a hit. You could keep going out on the town every weeknight like you used to, but good luck with that as all of your friends are going to veto that nine times out of ten. It’s time for you to get more in touch with your alcoholic self. No longer are you drinking to be social, but you’re drinking to cope with your life. This affords you plenty of time for drunken self examination in your apartment each night. So pour yourself a tall, cold one and embrace your inner alkie.

1.  You don’t have kids.
2.  You’re not married.
3.  What else are you going to spend your money on?
4. Frank Sinatra is best enjoyed when you’re a half bottle of scotch deep.
5. You finally understand why your dad poured himself a drink after getting home from work.
6. There’s no better way to get to know your new roommate than over a bottle of high-end liquor.
7. The creative juices can really start flowing after a few drinks. You need to come up with a name for that bar you’re planning on opening eventually.
8. Being hungover at work really isn’t that big of a deal as your productivity doesn’t really peak until after lunch.
9. You have a better chance of getting some sleep by passing out than falling asleep sober.
10. There are plenty of bars around your apartment. Bartenders love it when the regulars show up on the weekends.
11. Your Twitter account is protected.
12. You’re still pretty young.
13. You can save all your bar receipts and just use them as tax write-offs after claiming you were out with clients.
14. Netflix is a lonely drunk person’s best friend.
15. Drinking alone isn’t as depressing as it seems once you get drunk.
16. Your tolerance will be so high that grabbing drinks with co-workers after work won’t be as worrisome as it normally would be.
17. You’re good and drunk by the time the West Coast games start.
18. You’re past your “drunk dialing” stage.
19. If you start drinking right after work, passing out at 10pm will be like passing out at 3am after hitting the bars at 10. #math
20. Your life sucks now.

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TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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