19 Things Single Women Can Do On Valentine’s Day

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1. Drown your single sorrows out by looking at your bank account and ponder how you’re going to make this month’s rent without selling your body.
2. Buy a new box of batteries. Go to town.
3. Send two sets of flowers to yourself at the office: one signed “Your Loving Husband, William” the other signed “Tu paramour caliente, Juan Jose Ricardo Lopez.” Sit back with some low-fat popcorn and watch the rumors fly.
4. Throw crumpled up Dove chocolate foils at teenagers on double dates at Chipotle while you double fist a Corona and a signature Patron margarita.
5. Remind said teenagers their relationships won’t last past the summer before college. Tell them to give up now.
6. Jump on Tinder and right swipe everyone. Give out your friend-in-a-committed-relationship’s number to every dude who opens up with “Wanna do sex?”
7. Write a blog about how ridiculously independent you are and share it multiple times on Facebook. Take a shot every time someone gives it a thumbs up.
8. Since you’re still stone-cold sober after zero shots because literally not a single person cares about what you have to say, drink the entire bottle of vodka anyway, you free spirit, you.
9. Relive your glory days by going through your high school albums on Facebook.
10. Make sure to have a bottle (or six) of wine nearby when you realize you peaked at Prom.
11. Proceed to try on Prom dress again. Cue more wine.
12. Wait anxiously until February 15 and buy out the Walgreen’s 75 percent off candy section.
13. Play a game I like to call, “Guess My Ex-Boyfriend’s Phone Number.”
14. Place a bet among all your single girlfriends: Whoever gets asked by their mother, “So… Doing anything special with anyone special today?” first has to buy the first round.
15. Buy a Taylor Swift CD and have a good cry. Definitely do not take off your makeup before.
16. Make a romantic meal for two. Eat it all by yourself in sweatpants.
17. Change your mom’s name in your phone to “The Boyf” and watch your coworkers get instantly jealous when “he” calls you all day to make sure you’re okay.
18. Post an ad in the Craigslist personals section under your ex’s email.
19. Type a long rant on some form of social media about your bitterness toward Valentine’s Day. Delete before posting. Seriously, don’t even think about clicking “send.”

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Topanga

Topanga is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems. Lover of red wine, mediocre gossip, and Corey's whipped ass.

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