18 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head While Playing Golf With Your Boss

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It finally happened. The boss approached you at the office last week and invited you on a one-on-one golf outing. This is it. The perfect opportunity to build rapport and camaraderie during a solid round of 18 holes. This is the ultimate corporate setting. 97% of the business in America is done on golf courses. That’s a fact. Look it up. Your mind will race and insecurity surrounding your game will run rampant in the days leading up to your golf meeting. Who knows what will be going through your mind as you strap on the spikes and dust off the irons? I do.

1. I don’t want to outdrive him off the first tee, but I also don’t want to look like a total pussy. Better just swing easy.
2. Is it bad that I’m on my third beer and we’re on the second fairway? Better tone it down. I think I’ll just follow his lead.
3. Damn. His short game is really impressive. These old guys, man.
4. God, I hope he doesn’t bring up his single niece again.
5. No way he shot a birdie back there.
6. I’m getting my ass kicked.
7. I’m glad he’s driving the cart. I just wish he’d watch the path when talking to me about peaks and valleys.
8. I wonder how much yearly membership costs are at this course? More than I can afford even on three years’ pay, probably.
9. This guy just cannot miss putts.
10. I didn’t know he smoked.
11. Didn’t know he dipped either. We’re both going to have cancer by the time this round is over.
12. Ok, he’s getting pretty drunk now. Time to get a hard buzz going.
13. Is now a good time to ask for a promotion or will he just give me one on the back 9?
14. We’re both way too drunk. How much is a cab back to the office going to run?
15. I didn’t know they still made two irons.
16. Oh, shit. He’s talking about his marriage now.
17. We gonna do lunch after this? I bet the club grille has a great steak.
18. I’m not one to complain about a free round of golf, but he dragged me out here to whip my ass up and down the links and didn’t offer me a promotion? Bullshit.

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TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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