1. Your Driver Stays In The Bag
Why even bother? When a 8-iron off the tee gives you a better look at that double-bogey average, you might as well just leave the big gun behind.
2. You Actually Play Better From The Rough
There comes a point in every casual golfer’s career when he’s so used to hitting from unfavorable conditions that a perfect look from the fairway starts to seem impossible.
3. Every Successful Shot Is Followed By Three Terrible Ones
Whether you drilled your tee shot straight between the tree line or laid up with a perfect opportunity, when the next couple shots are filled with misery it might be time to lower your expectations.
4. You Buy 20 New Balls For A Round
Go ahead and try to hit over that hazard on number 4. Wishful thinking never hurt anyone, right? At least you came prepared.
5. The Only Club You’re Confident With Is Your Sand Wedge
Anything inside 50 yards and suddenly you’re the most confident guy on the course. Even if you still can’t hit the damn thing from the actual sand, at least you’re decent at one aspect of the game?
6. You Have Completely Unrealistic Expectations
So you’ve only had one birdie in your life? Then why the hell would you expect to regularly make par?
7. The Cart Girl Starts Following Your Group
Cart girls can be one of the best and worst parts of a golf outing. If you notice she’s stalking you from hole to hole, chances are she’s realized that you’re about to give up and start boozing hard.
8. You’ve Lost A Club To A Water Hazard
Balls are one thing, but when your frustration is taken out on your actual equipment then maybe your blood pressure could use a break from the game.
9. You’re Drunk By The 9th Hole
A few casual golf beers never hurt anybody. Pounding a can for every stroke you squeeze above par, however, is not the path to success.
10. Anything Beyond Six Feet Is A 3-Putt
Maybe you’re not so bad on the approach. Maybe your recovery is good. But if reading a green feels more like reading a Chinese dictionary, then you might want to pick a new hobby.
11. Your Best Shots Are Accidental
Always pretend you did it on purpose. Sure you’ll be a liar, but the golf course is no place for honesty.
12. You’ve Given Up On Trying To Fix Your Slice
Sometimes you’ve just gotta aim 30 degrees left of the hole and hope for the best.
13. You Won’t Golf With Coworkers Due To Shame
“Oh, sorry man, I’ve got a…uh…dentist appointment that day. Maybe next time?”
14. The Ladies Tee Looks Tempting
You’re by no means good at the sport, but moving up to the ladies tee is a shot your dignity just can’t handle. Try spending a little more time on the range before you tee it forward.
15. Holes Next To Houses Terrify You
Please don’t break a window. Please don’t break a window. Please don’t break a window.
16. You Quit Early If You Run Out Of Nicotine
Face it, you’re irritable enough without the tobacco withdrawals. Sometimes you’ve just gotta call it a day.
17. The Group Behind You Looks Pissed Off
Just let them play through before they start aiming their drives at your cart.
18. You Start Pulling A “Happy Gilmore” Off The Tee
The ultimate “I give up” maneuver. You’ll feel especially terrible when you hit your best drive of the day with this method.