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Candy Crush is a great way to kill time, whether you’re attempting to make it look like you’re accomplishing something, or just trying to avoid human interaction in general. While outsiders may think the cult of Candy Crush is useless, addictive, and intolerable, the truth is that it’s a helpful hobby. Here’s what waiting for lives has taught me about life itself.
1. It gets better.
Yes, life is tough, and so are certain levels in the game, but you won’t be stuck forever.
2. Money isn’t everything.
While you could easily pay for those lollipop hammers, it feels so much better to accomplish things own your own. Even though trust fund kids are beyond lucky, they’ll never know the value of truly earning something.
3. “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” – Nelson Mandela
Whether you’re trying to find a new job or just looking to bring all the fruit down to the bottom, it seems absolutely impossible, until before you know it, it’s magically over.
4. Everything’s easier if you’re a little bit drunk.
Like most things in life—first dates, sex, work, the weekend—it’s better if you’re chock full of liquid courage after a quick pregame. I don’t mean blackout wasted, but a couple of drinks will have you crushing candy, and your goals, in no time.
5. You get by with a little help from your friends.
Yes, it may be embarrassing to ask for lives, or to share details of your life, but in the end it’s easier when you have people to help you in your time of need. After all, that’s how you know who’s really there for you.
6. There are ups and downs.
There you go, just slamming through levels left and right, when suddenly you reach a roadblock. In the real world, that’s called the magic of college followed by the hell that is adulthood, but you shall overcome.
7. You have to fake it until you make it.
Sometimes at work you have no idea what’s going on, but if you pretend to you’ll get through it soon enough.
8. You can’t predict anything.
If levels, or life, seem easy, it probably means there’s a shitstorm brewing. Unfortunately, you’ll never know what’s next, try as you might. Sure, you can psychoanalyze both in a lame attempt at seeing into the future, but there’s no Magic 8 Ball to let you know what’s about to go down.
9. Don’t overthink things.
You can conquer level 65, and once you do you’ll never look back on those dark days, so keep calm and carry on. It seems like some of the biggest dodo birds you know are on the higher levels, anyway, whether in the game or the game of life.
10. You’re forced to interact with some real weirdos.
Maybe your oddball uncle keeps inviting you to play, or maybe your stranger danger of a secretary thinks you’re destined to have a relationship. Luckily, it’s easy enough to ignore the requests, whether they’re for lives or friendship.
11. Sometimes you have to wait for life to start.
Stuck in a job you hate? It gets better. Stranded forever on a level you feel hopeless about? You just have to wait it out, because a new life will load soon.
12. You’ll never really understand it.
How does level 76 work? What’s the purpose of life? Stop questioning everything, because you’ll never decipher the code.
13. It can only get better.
Luckily, you can’t go back in levels, just like you can only go up if you’ve reached a low point in life. Unfortunately, that also means that you can’t go back to college, and you can’t go back to a time when you weren’t addicted to this terrible game.
14. There are no do-overs.
If you make a mistake, you can’t go back in time to undo it, whether it’s in Candy Crush or life.
15. Tomorrow is another day, and you’re going to crush it.
Respond
Level 197 has ended my hope in humanity.