1. “We can write that off.”
Not everything can just be written off unless it’s a valid business expense. It’s a foreign concept to the idiots who constantly try to get every company lunch put on the corporate AmEx. The people who say, “We can just write it off!” usually have no idea what they are talking about.
2. People Asking For A Personal Check
Just because I handle the company’s money and make more money than you doesn’t mean that I can just cut you a personal check because you bought Clif bars for the break room. I have a mortgage, idiot.
3. Accountant Jokes
Call me a bean counter or number cruncher one more time. I double dare you. Yes, I have heard the one about the car full of accountants going over a bridge, and yes, I have heard the one about why the accountant didn’t become an undertaker (because he didn’t have the personality). One more wise crack and I might just have a “mix up” concerning your next paycheck.
4. Everyone Assumes You Know Everything About Income Tax
Last time I checked, I don’t work for a CPA tax firm. You wouldn’t ask a pediatrician to perform heart surgery and you wouldn’t ask the Air Force to fight a land war.
5. Cleaning Up Mistakes
Just ask Skyler White. There are pages and pages of financial data from the accountant before you. It’s hard to make mistakes go away, especially when the IRS or FBI can look into them at any minute and send me to prison at the drop of a hat.
6. Reactions From People When You Tell Them You’re An Accountant
As if what they do is any more interesting than what I do. Yeah, I stare at numbers all day and am great with money. If the first question out of your mouth is something about refinancing your mortgage or consolidating your credit card debt, you can expect me to walk away.
7. Busy Time
During the end of the month, quarter or fiscal year, you can count on the shit hitting the fan. A missed decimal point here or miscalculated revenue there and the desperate scramble to fix it begins.
They are the reason accountants get a bad rap. Probably scored a 34 or higher on their ACT math section and have never been concerned with shedding their nerdy/odd persona. Just call us quirky and be done with it.
9. People Assuming You Know The Stock Market Because You’re An Accountant
No, I can’t advise you on your portfolio. I’m too busy tending to my company’s finances to keep you up to date on the news about emerging markets and which penny stocks to keep an eye on. LEAVE ME ALONE.
10. Working On Holidays
Money never sleeps. Wall Street 2. I’m not a banker. I don’t get stupid made up holidays like President’s Day off, and I certainly do not get to fully enjoy Memorial and Labor Days. Money is like a newborn. It doesn’t care what your plans are and needs constant attention and supervision.