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Today is Valentine’s Day, which means that most of you poor saps will either be alone trying to convince yourself that this holiday is stupid and lame or frantically calling one of my three cell phones to desperately buy one of the fifty reservations at fancy restaurants I made six months ago. I, however, will be by myself, eating Chipotle, and running some Fortnite. Not because I’m alone, but because my girlfriend and I already had a romantic dinner last night, which she Instagrammed along with the flowers I had sent to her office that day (sorry for deceiving you my lovely readers, I had to throw her off the scent). After dinner and romance, we sat down to watch some Olympics (Shaun White, bless up) and then fell asleep watching the classic romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
This is a movie that I’ve seen many times and, as far as rom-coms go, it’s not terrible. Unfortunately, like all rom-coms, it is devoid of realistic characters, based on a ridiculous premise, and follows a completely illogical set of questions. After failing (again) to get Jennie to join me on my Westworld rewatch, my BS meter for bad story-telling was at an all-time high. This led to a friendly, yet heated, discussion between us about some of the larger plot holes regarding this holiday-appropriate film. For instance:
1. Why does Andie think this is a good idea?
For those who are unaware of the “plot” of this movie, Kate Hudson aka Andie Anderson (wow, really risked some aneurysms coming up with that name, didn’t we writers?) is a lifestyle columnist for a Cosmopolitan-like magazine called Composure. She wants to be a serious journalist, so to prove her mettle to her boss and get more assignments relating to politics, travel, and culture, she’s inspired to write the article “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.”
Except…why would this result in her getting to write about serious topics? I mean, her magazine doesn’t exactly seem to be employing Woodward and Bernstein, so even if her article is a huge success, will she get the opportunities she’s searching for? Instead, what is more, likely to happen (and does happen), is she’ll get pigeonholed into writing more drek like this that she despises. I get that print is dying Andie, but the Washington Post was still hiring back in 2003.
2. Why is Ben’s boss going along with this?
On the other side of this relationship equation, pre-True Detective/respected Matthew McConaughey aka Ben Barry (rolls eyes), bets his boss that he can make any woman fall in love with him in 10 days in order to get the prestigious jewelry ad campaign. So instead of giving this important campaign to, I don’t know, the most qualified or senior person at the firm, he’s going to hinge its success or failure on a bet.
Also, he makes this bet because he wants Ben to prove that he has knowledge about romance. From my little bit of watching Mad Men, most successful ad people don’t need some incredible knowledge in order to sell shit. You just have to know people. If Ben hasn’t proved that he knows how to sell in the time he’s worked there, how does getting a girl to swoon over you within a fortnight prove otherwise?
3. Are we really supposed to believe this giant coincidence that Andie starts her 10-day campaign to find and emotionally shatter a guy on the same day Ben makes this bet to land a girl in the exact same amount of time?
Just sayin’.
4. Why the hell does Ben think this will work?
Ten days?? Ten days dude?? You think you can make a girl fall in love in 10 days??
I get that you look like Matthew McConaughey, so you have an advantage in this contest like Usain Bolt does running versus paraplegics, but come on. There is no one in the history of this planet that can make someone else fall in love with them in 10 days unless the other person only has 9 days to live. This was a doomed proposition from the start.
Maybe that’s why his boss bet the whole campaign on this unloseable bet.
5. Why didn’t either of them cheat?
Both of these people have very difficult tasks before them, one to find love in 10 days and the other to drive someone away in 10 days. Why wasn’t their first instinct to cheat? Ben should have just told Andie “hey I’ll pay for your dinners for 10 days if you help me get this campaign.” And Andie could have let Ben dump her after he got the campaign because of all the crazy stuff she did. Or she could have just lied in her article and had a decent time before they broke up.
Yeah yeah, I know both of them had conditions to not cheat put on them, but realistically could anyone hold them to that? And their cheating would likely only be discovered after the fact when it wouldn’t really matter (Ben would have already run the campaign, Andie would be writing more serious stuff). Just collude and lie to get what you both want.
Boy, I really hope I don’t get too famous before I get cast on Survivor because anyone reading this stuff won’t trust me in a second.
6. Why didn’t either of them bail?
This goes more to Ben than Andie, but when they each realized that the other person was resistant to their goals, why not just find someone else? Ben spent days wooing Andie only for her to get crazier and crazier. I know it’s for his career, but good God man there is a limit to the amount of crazy one can tolerate.
Yes, his co-workers did attempt to sandbag him by forcing him to couple with Andie, who they knew was not going to fall for a man, but why not find someone else when Andie is being resistant? Would his boss really object if he showed up with another smokin’ girl and the explanation of “oh that Andie was crazy but then I met Monica here and we’re so happy together”? It proves the exact point the initial bullshit bet was trying to make anyway. As for Andie, yeah, she could have also bailed and started anew when it became clear that Ben wasn’t deterred by her crazy, but there’s also the matter of…
7. Why does Andie act completely psycho?
The point of her article was to lose a guy due to the mistakes women make in relationships. Let’s see, how does she attempt to do this with Ben? She forces him to get into a fight to defend her honor. She moves things into his apartment without asking. She lies to him about taking him to a Knicks playoff game and instead takes him to a concert. She gives him a plant and gets irrationally upset when he lets it die. These things aren’t typical mistakes women make; they’re the work of a lunatic.
Yes, I get it she’s trying to exhibit clinginess and moving too fast behaviors women can make, but she’s working on the extreme end of the spectrum. Any guy who has a buddy dating someone who did a tenth of the shit Andie did would tell him to run. Like, “get your bug-out bag and burner phone, then fake your death” run.
The article helps no one, except psychos who will assuredly die alone. A more realistic tact would do some of the clingy things that she does exhibit, try to move too quickly (DTRing early, taking him to meet her parents, talking about marriage), or try to completely change his personality to fit her life. Not that I have any experience with that (blinks out “SOS” while my girlfriend stands over my shoulder).
8. Why does Andie chicken out in the end?
After the two go to couples counseling and then meet Ben’s parents (a golden opportunity for her to commit the realistic mistake of being exactly like his mom and freak him out), she goes back to her editor and reveals she cannot finish the article. Why? Why tell her?
Like I said before, finish the article. Who gives a shit if it’s true? And if your editor is a stickler that it has to happen, just say he’s not breaking up with you and you’ll try it on someone else. Again, I’m pretty sure that Composure doesn’t have the journalistic standards that they won’t allow her a mulligan on this endeavor.
9. Why didn’t Ben’s co-workers undercut him earlier?
So Ben’s two co-workers who lead him to put Andie in his cross-hairs are acting to prevent him from getting this prestigious campaign. However, they never attempt to tell Andie that Ben is only dating her because of a bet. If Andie knew that Ben was going to continue to pursue her, she probably wouldn’t be wasting her time on such a difficult mark and she’d move on.
They could have also immediately told their boss that Andie is using Ben for an article she’s writing, and that would have completely knee-capped his credibility. Even if they don’t reveal her article is about trying to “lose” him, there’s no way Ben’s boss won’t think this is a scam. There were a lot of ways to kill Ben’s plan before he succeeded. Why they chose to take such a passive approach is beyond me.
10. How the hell does no one kill Ben and Andie when they have their romantic zoom-out kiss on the Manhattan Bridge?
Because in real life, that is what happens. The other drivers don’t stop and honk in anger. Someone is not paying attention and just rams into them doing 40 or two cars crash trying to get around this roadblock of love.
I have a very dark sense of humor and love subversive jokes in movies like Deadpool, so I would find it hilarious if during the final romantic gesture another cab just plows into these two jackasses who stopped in the middle of the bridge. This is New York, ya putzes. .
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@joshetyler
@joshetyler
11. How can I get a pool table in my office like Ben has?
In regards to #1, doesn’t her boss say she’ll “give her the freedom to write whatever she wants” after this? It’s been a while, so I could be wrong.
Spot on with everything else, though.
Would squad up for a PGP valentines day Fortnite.
I too just watched this on Netflix recently.
My biggest question is how are they supposed to both be mad at the end? Andie is mad about Ben’s bet and Ben is mad about Andie using him for an article. So basically they’re mad at each other for doing the same thing to themselves
I really do not like Matthew McConaughey. And I definitely had to google how to spell his name. He just bothers me… always has.
It would be a lot cooler if you did…. Like him that is
Sorry guys never gonna happen
The man is a national (read:Texas) treasure
I don’t like him either. Also, I heard that he doesn’t wear deodorant which makes me think I’m smelling BO whenever I see him in something.
I thought that was Leo.