Your Tinder Date Is Going To Suck

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Tinder is like a drug. When you first start using it, it seems cool, eye-opening, and even a little exciting. However, the more you use it, the less fulfilling it is. Eventually, you get to the point where you feel like you’re wasting your time and sometimes your money, but you’re addicted, so you keep using it until you put your foot down and reevaluate your priorities. The idea of having so many fish in the sea at your fingertips seems like a great, convenient idea, especially if you work too much to get the chance to meet a lot of people, but Tinder is different. Tinder is a little off. It’s not the same as meeting a potential mate out in the wild, and for that reason, your Tinder date is going to suck.

First of all, the only thing you have to go on with Tinder is the photos chosen by the users to show themselves to the world. Obviously they are going to pick the most flattering pictures. Sometimes these pictures even date back to when the users were in the best shape of their lives — but then again, you probably do that, too. Whether you’re going out with a guy or a girl, you have to add a five to ten pound minimum to their pictures. Very few people are going to look as good in person as they do in their pictures. Sure, it’s shallow, but on Tinder, you are swiping based on looks anyway, so accuracy is fucking important. I’ll be the first to tell you I’m not one to throw stones. The last Tinder picture I added was about five pounds ago, not to say I’m not trying to get back to the in-shape, out-of-shape dad bod I had when I graduated, but I digress. Just hope your date has a minimal margarine of error. (Get it?)

Secondly, since Tinder is basically a shallow phone app, it’s not really taken as seriously as originally meeting someone in person. It’s not “real.” Because it’s not real, people are less genuine and they’ll have no problem cutting the cord the minute the date ends if it doesn’t go well, which, usually, it doesn’t. People are often much different in person than they are on an app. No matter how good you think you are with people, the vast majority of your Tinder dates are going to be filled with awkward silences and general disappointment. Because of this, Tinder is the world of fifty first dates, so there’s no use in getting pissed about dropping money on a date. I mean, “it’s just Tinder,” so who cares, right?

Third, the above problems are amplified if you don’t have mutual friends. There are no consequences for a really, really bad date if you don’t have to answer to mutual friends. The guy can be as big an asshole as he wants, and the girl can be as bitchy as she wants. Unless, you know, you and a friend both match with the same person and it turns into a shitty Tinder triangle. An overall lack of accountability and responsibility is going to turn your date into a major waste of time. Hell, one of you may completely walk out on the date. If you must go on a Tinder date, the mutual friends thing may soften the blow at least a little.

Fourth, your Tinder date is obviously seeing other people, which kind of makes it a shitty situation. Of course, even if you meet someone out in the wild, he or she could possibly be casually dating a few other people, but you likely have less competition and you are already pre-qualified from meeting in person. With Tinder, chances are, the person has gone on fifteen dates in the past month and has possibly slept with a few of said individuals. You just don’t know what you’re getting into. You’re basically just another number to this person. It’s “just Tinder.” Apathy is a bad trait for a first, and probably last, date.

Finally, there’s always the possibility that the other person is on a bad dry streak (probably for a reason) and he or she is looking to Tinder to find some slap and tickle. Now, if you’re a guy, the whole hookup thing isn’t a big deal. She wants to just close the deal? Fucking great. However, if you’re a girl looking for a legitimate date, you’re wasting your time if the guy is sprinting for the finish line. Better set the ground rules before the date and make sure both parties are on the same page…not that it really matters.

All in all, your Tinder date is going to suck. The photos are doctored, the attitude is apathetic, you’re just another number to your date, and Tinder is more than likely just being used as a hookup app. Maybe it’s time to go traditional and hunt in the wild rather than search for a date on Tinder. If not, prepared yourself for the worst.

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