I always thought that when I became an adult, I’d be something. I’m still not sure what that something is. I guess my perspective on what an adult is is skewed to begin with. At 18, we can enlist and fight in war but not drink a beer. At 18, I lived in a dorm room that had more rules than I did the day before when I was still living with my parents. Even now, I still don’t exactly feel like I am of equal standing as an adult. I guess you can say I’m still waiting for my adult card in the mail.
Growing up, my parents always made it seem like they knew everything. Maybe that’s the grand illusions parents put on; I know mine did. We’re all products of our environment. I kept my nose clean, got good grades and I have never (knock on wood) been arrested, although I did get written up once. The university wrote me a letter telling me how disappointed in me they were that I snuck a girl into my dorm, even though I was a legal, consenting adult with another legal, consenting adult in a room I paid for.
Imagine if you married the first person you “loved,” your high school sweetheart or that crazy guy/girl you hooked up with junior year of college. If any of these “hypothetical situations” occurred with me, my life trajectory would be summarily pretty fucked. Or maybe it wouldn’t. I have no idea. Someone’s crazy ex is another person’s mother or father of their children. Things don’t always work out between people, but that’s life.
A lot of people I know lament on wishing they were somewhere else or that they thought they’d be doing something else with their lives. Using others as a metric is not a great way to go about it. Sure, there’s that dude you went to grad school with that works some dick and ball job that is unrelated, but then there are the others that have swanky titles and jobs at places you wish you could work. I guess the seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake.
Sometimes I’d like to think I have my life together. After doing the college thing (#followyourdreams), I got a job to pay bills just like everyone else. The irony of going to college to get a job, then using the job to pay the loans that you took out to go to college to get a job is not lost on me.
I probably should have studied harder in high school. While I am not as critical on myself as my man Delph, instead of playing video games, staying up late, playing sports, getting a job and volunteering all the time, I should have done my school work. At the end of the day, I had no desire or energy to do any of that. It was probably a bad idea to take mainly AP courses but to me, college and being an adult was so far off. To be honest, I actually feel bad for those that were like me. At 18, being finished with college and having to work might as well have been 2050 because all I cared about was the next Friday night, the next hockey game, or the next time I’d sneak a few beers in.
Patton said, “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” The thing is, what is a good plan? I thought my plan was pretty good. I got decent grades in high school, helped out, volunteered, worked to pay for my own car. What if you think you have all the answers but the questions were wrong? That’s kind of how I feel. There are no do-overs in life so getting bent out of shape about things that are no longer in your control is frivolous. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time. The only thing that one can do is pick something in life to do better at and chip away at it every day..
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