Stress is a common killer of everything good in life. If we have a pressing work deadline, we can’t enjoy a nice meal. If we’re worried about this month’s electric bill, we begrudgingly live with frozen nipples. And hell, I know I’m not the only one who’s ever shouted “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO GET YOUR MOTHER FOR CHRISTMAS” during sex before.
But this holiday season, San Francisco International Airport has a cure-all for all the stress you’ve incurred over the past 11 months. Enter LiLou: The In-House Therapy Pig.
Hoping to provide a little comic relief from the “stresses” of air travel, the San Francisco SPCA introduced LiLou as the newest member of its “Wag Brigade” of therapy animals earlier this week. According to Quartz, LiLou sports a royal blue “Pet me!” vest, complete with matching tutu. LiLou also passed her Animal Assisted Therapy training “with flying colors” and proved to be popular with clients, visiting different facilities and showing off her more than ten tricks.
A therapy pig. That does tricks. And wears a tutu. If I were the Chinese government right now, you wouldn’t be able to pick me off the floor for days I’d be ROFL’ing so hard. Can’t you just imagine some evil Chinese dictator laughing to his cabinet of robot humans and saying in some horrible American accent: “Those pussy Americans, they need a pig to pet in order to get on an airplane, I LITERALLY CAN’T.”
So congrats, not-so-frequent flyers. No longer will you have to force down 3x the recommended dosage of Prozac before coming within 100 feet of an airport. And gone are the days of parents crushing up Dramamine into their child’s applesauce before going through security. It’s LiLou to the motherfucking rescue.
*America loses all international credibility and semblance of world dominance* .
Image courtesy of San Francisco International Airport