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Worst Date Of All-Time: Pulp Fiction

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When it comes to dating, things don’t always go as planned. You could meet a potential mate at a bar, really hit it off, agree to a dinner date, and then, once you’re sitting across from him or her at Olive Garden, realize you only liked that person because you were hammered, and now you want to stab their eyes out with a breadstick. That’s life.

In the grand scheme of things, going on a date that doesn’t pan out isn’t that big of a deal. You don’t see yourself having a future with this person, so you don’t go out with them again. Easy fix. Things could always be worse.

As an example, consider one of the most disastrous dates in the history of film, between Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction.

Vince’s boss, Marsellus, is going out of town, and wants someone to look after his wife while he’s away. Naturally, he asks one of his most trusted employees to show her a good time and keep her entertained. Vince obviously doesn’t want to lose his job (or life), so he agrees. He does a little heroin, she does a little cocaine, they enjoy a nice meal at Jack Rabbit Slim’s, and even do a little dancing.

All in all, the date goes well. That is until the after-party, when Mia gets bored while Vince is in the restroom convincing himself to go home and masturbate instead of doing anything stupid. She finds a little baggie of power in his jacket pocket, and all hell breaks loose.

Personally, I’ve never had a problem distinguishing cocaine from heroin, but I’ve got an eye for this sort of thing. Anyway, next thing you know Vince has his boss’s wife, who has just accidentally overdosed on his heroin, in his convertible, and they’re hauling ass to his drug dealer’s house, where he’ll have to stab an adrenaline needle through her breastplate and into her heart to save her life, and his.

So the next time you’re out with a member of the opposite sex, thinking about how you’d rather be back at home watching Netflix and eating ice cream, just remember things could always be worse. Much, much worse.

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Throbes podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets and Astros fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.

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