Realizing that you lost your wallet is right atop the list of “Oh, shit” moments. It’s probably worse than losing your phone, depending on what kind of incriminating deviant filth you have on your phone, and there are certainly very serious repercussions.
This recently happened to 28-year-old Reilly Flaherty, a fantastically named dude who chilled a little too hard at a Brooklyn Wilco show and lost his wallet. I missed the bus on Wilco, but many people whose music opinions I trust are into them, so I’ll give Reilly the benefit of the doubt here. Losing your wallet happens to the best of us, but receiving a completely absurd letter from the guy who found your wallet and blew your cash on weed is something that never happens. Unless you’re Reilly.
From the New York Post:
Flaherty, who lives on the Lower East Side, said he realized he had lost his wallet in an Uber car when he got into Manhattan on the way back from King’s Theater in Brooklyn.
The Manhattan salesman said he trekked 45 minutes back to Brooklyn to look for it, but came up empty-handed. He had written the wallet off until he got the strange letter.
“I was perplexed by this plain white envelope. Is this anthrax?” he said. “I open it up and sure enough, it’s just the credit card and pretty much everything that’s of no value to me.”
Check this gem out.
Okay, this is kinda funny until you stop and think about the fact that 1) This letter looks creepy as fuck, 2) He jacked his cash to buy weed, 3) He kept our boy’s wallet, and 4) TOODLES. Normal people do not sign off with “toodles.” You can say it as a joke, but you really can’t write that word out.
In addition to the MetroCard and cash, Flaherty was robbed of a $10 Barnes & Noble gift certificate and Mr. Shiny’s shoeshine loyalty card, “which was a real drag because I almost had a free shine,” he lamented.
Flaherty declined to say how much cash was taken, insisting, “It’s not really about the money.”
“Whether it was a dollar or a thousand, [this person] is a pot-smoking, modern-day version of Robin Hood,” he quipped.
This just gets worse and worse. Getting a fresh shoeshine is like getting your teeth whitened or catching a baller haircut. You just feel like a million bucks. And after a free one? You’ll walk out of there like you’re the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. He was so close.
Worst thing about this, though? Reilly has lost his faith in humanity.
“I would say, ‘Man, we would’ve gotten along — we’re both into Wilco — but you turned out to be super selfish,’ ” he said. “It speaks to the New York mentality: I’m going to be nice but there’s going to be an asterisk.”
Man, that’s real. You should be able to hit up a show, enjoy some tunes, and not worry about some deadbeat finding your wallet and then scoreboarding you about it via USPS. Keep your head up, Reilly..
[via NY Post]
Image via Reilly Flaherty / Instagram