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Why You’re Putting On the Postgrad 20

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You made it through college without putting on more than the standard 15 pounds, more commonly known as the “freshman 15.” But now that you’ve got an office job and plenty of disposable income (hopefully), it’s easy to neglect your body yet again, except this time you don’t have any excuses. Whether or not you like it, you’re an adult now. You don’t have to act like a grown-up, but there’s still a responsibility on your shoulders to be a real human being. It’s easy to ignore your health after college. There will be plenty of lunches at chain restaurants where the average meal packs over a thousand calories and you’re going to be living a mostly sedentary life from 9-5, sitting at your desk, staring at a computer screen.

You Got a Gym Membership and Didn’t Use It

These are relatively cheap. You don’t need a personal trainer. You’re not a celebrity. Take it easy on your knees and hit the elliptical for a half hour or sign up for a spin class. Your ability to shed weight with ease is decreasing with every day as you approach 30. Don’t be intimidated by all the hot people at your gym. Who knows? Maybe they were where you are now just a few months ago, but with some decent effort and a somewhat healthy diet, they shed the extra poundage they put on during undergrad. Plus, you’re gonna want to get married to someone you actually like instead of having to settle on someone because you couldn’t drop those extra lbs. Too tired to workout after work? Just toss a little pre-workout in that bottle of water you drink on the drive home from work every day and you’ll be rearing to go once you get home. I’m just here to help.

You Eat Out Every Day

If there’s anything Michael Douglas taught us, it’s not to eat out every day. Wait, that’s not what I meant. I vehemently apologize for such a terrible joke. I’m truly sorry, you guys. But seriously, don’t go to Chili’s every day. You will die. Pretty sure these massive food chain’s quality standards are lower than what they put in pig slop. You don’t think those baby back ribs actually came from an edible animal do you? Maybe they did, but there are still enough food additives in your Bloomin’ Onion to give you all sorts of cancer down the road. Not to mention that this is barely food. You could’ve taken those extra 10 minutes you spent lying in bed this morning to make a sensible lunch. Time management. That’s the key.

You Stopped Moving

In college, you constantly had to move. Whether it was walking to class or meeting a friend on campus, you were moving a lot. Now, you sit at your desk all day, fill out reports, work and read all this funny shit that we put on the internet, which we love you for. Get out from behind your desk every once in a while. Your desk chair isn’t that comfortable anyway. You wonder why that goober Terry from business development is in such great shape? Number one, he’s a fitness freak. Like one of those Patrick Bateman murderous rage workout freaks. Number two, he gets off his ass while he’s at work and takes a few laps around the building every couple of hours to get the blood flowing to his legs.

That’s really why you’re still putting on poundage after college, unless you have some terrible glandular disorder. You’re young and vibrant with the sexual libido of a lion. Don’t waste this opportunity in your 20s to get your bod toned and in shape. Working out after a long day of work is the best cure for the postgrad woes I’ve come across, except for sweet, sweet booze. Get it right, get it tight, and don’t forget to stretch. For your health.

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TheChampionsTour

TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .

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