So you decided to grow some facial hair this November to participate in The Movember Movement. But do you actually know what the entire thing is about? If not, let me fill you in: The Movember Movement started in 2003, the idea of two dudes in Australia to grow a mustache to raise awareness of men’s health issues, such as prostate and testicular cancer and mental health issues. By 2015, The Movember Foundation was named one of the top not-for-profit organizations in the world, had raised more than $710 million dollars for men’s health causes, and had more than 5 million participants from over 20 countries. Pretty cool, right? As a dude, you should definitely join in.
But before you start growing out that hair on your upper lip, I’m here to implore you to go the extra mile this year, to go ahead and grow a full beard. Sure, it’s called “Movember” because you are supposed to go a “mustache” but I think it’s better to go with a full face fleece. Why? Well, let me break down some reasons.
Everyone Looks Better With A Beard.
Let’s start with the bottom line, dudes: there are very few men that look better with a mustache than a beard. Literally, the only one is Tom Selleck, and you, my friend, are no Magnum, P.I. Hell, you’re barely a Richard from Friends. Odds are, you are going to look more rapey than ravishing if you attempt to grow some upper lip plumage.
But if it makes you feel better, even some of the most handsome men in the world can’t pull off that mustached look. Let’s use everyone’s favorite salt-and-pepper fox, George Clooney, as an example. Everyone considers Clooney handsome, right? I mean, I’m pretty sure at least half of my guy friends would definitely consider going to play for the other team if he propositioned them. But even though he looks hot, no matter what’s happening on his face, he looks infinitely better with a beard versus a mustache. Case in point:
Mustaches require work…perhaps even more work than no facial hair at all. You still have to shave, which totally defeats the point of growing facial hair in the first place, and you have to be careful to not stray into the mustache zone when doing it, otherwise you may wind up a little too Hitler-esque for public viewing. So why not just chuck the razor all together and go for the heavy stubble? I mean, I’m personally not into the full lumberjack look, so I’d like you to keep that beard close-cropped, but that’s got to be easier than shaving on the regular, doesn’t it?
It’s pretty rare that being lazy is also healthy, but in this case, it’s true. Not only are razor burn, folliculitis, and cuts possible when you shave your face daily, but you also remove the top-most layer of skin cells and can possibly irritate your pores, causing acne. Alternatively, a beard protects your skin from the elements and eliminates possible irritations from shaving.
The Ladies Love it.
Honestly, there is nothing hotter to me that getting a little beard burn (in various places) when I’m getting hot and heavy with a dude. The way I figure it, men can grow beards; boys can’t. And I’m definitely looking for a man, not a boy. I’m not the only one; various studies have shown that the majority of women find men with heavy stubble or well-groomed beards significantly more desirable than those with bare faces.
Beard = Manly.
Sometimes, it all comes down to science, so let me drop some more on you. A 1991 study found that beards were associated with maturity, power, and higher social status by both men and women and a 2013 study that asked both men and women to rate photographs that showed one man with varying stages of facial growth found that the longer the hair in the photograph shown, the more masculine he was rated. You can’t fight #science.
But hey, whether you grow a mustache or a beard this Movember, it’s great that you’re participating and trying to raise awareness. Props to you. But if you’ve got a date with me at 8pm tonight…do me a favor and keep the shadow, okay?.