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Why Patrick Bateman Would Make The Best Boyfriend

For those of you who have seen American Psycho (and if you haven’t, shame on you) you’ll notice that the protagonist, Patrick Bateman, is a finance bro with a penchant for homicide on a massive scale. However, once you get past that little hiccup, you’ll realize that he’s a lot like the other pretentious yet inexplicably attractive men you would meet out on any given night. The following explains why he would make an excellent, nay, magnificent boyfriend in comparison to his colleagues.

He looks like this.

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He cares about his skincare regimen.

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He’s upfront about not being emotionally unavailable.

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He’ll call instead of text.

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He has a deep knowledge of music.

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He’s handy with tools.

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He’s a swell dancer.

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He’s HILARIOUS.

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He never does anything half-heartedly.

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You know even if he strays, other women won’t last long.

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He’s honest, which is the foundation of a loving relationship.

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He won’t just nod and say “uh-huh, you look great” when you ask him if you look fat in that dress.

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He’s considerate and takes care of chores.

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He’s a New Yorker, through and through.

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sarahsolfails

Writer in NYC. To quote Dr. Seuss, "Being crazy isn't enough."

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