Every office has a wide variety of characters, mostly because people are weird. Unfortunately, not every office has the entire cast of Parks and Recreation (that would be far too entertaining), but that doesn’t mean that some of your coworkers don’t share the cast’s quirkier qualities. Which character are you?
Do you have a history of such truly awful dates that you’ve considered calling it quits and becoming a cat lady? Do you have an overabundance of enthusiasm for literally everything? Do you have a best friend whose sole purpose in life is to listen to you share scenarios you made up in your mind? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you’re my girl Leslie Knope, and you’re the best. Congratulations, you’re more than likely going to be the first lady President.
You may not know if you’re Sewage Joe, but everyone else does. Stop sending dick pics to the office. That’s what Snapchat is for.
You’re a live-action version of Daria. You know you’re supposed to pretend to like things, but it’s so much easier not to. You demand respect, and you receive it, purely because people are scared of you. While you seem a little bit cold, your love for your significant other makes up for your apparent disconnect from the outside world (or at least you’d like to think it does). You spend more time procrastinating at work than you do actually working, but you somehow still have that job you hate, unfortunately.
You love America, meat, and women, in that order. While you have your act together, you can’t help but get caught up with girls and their crazy. Although you’ve never come home from a particularly wild night out with cornrows, you do love whiskey, a little bit too much sometimes. You wish the government wouldn’t interfere with your personal business, whatever that may be (I won’t ask, I promise). You commit enough to your job to avoid getting fired, but putting in the extra effort has never been up your alley, especially if it means you could risk a promotion.
Donna Meagle put it best when she said “Oh, Andy, you’re fine, but you’re simple.” If you’re Andy, you’re probably going nowhere in life at the moment, but there’s always tomorrow. Your artistic endeavors take up most of your time, but you need a 9 to 5 to be able to support yourself, so you aren’t eating off of frisbees for the rest of your life. If you’re Andy Dwyer, you’re a walking, talking Post Grad Problem, minus the whole marriage part… and hopefully you never lived in a pit.
If you’re an Ann, you change constantly, based on your flavor the week. You’re a boyfriend girl, and can’t stand being single. You wouldn’t know how to do you if you tried, which means you could never be an independent woman like Donna. Your redeeming qualities are that you’re beautiful, nice (i.e. boring), and that you have the best best friend ever. You have it seemingly all together… good job, nice place, but something’s missing, and it’s not a boyfriend like you think– it’s a personality.
If you’re Oren, you already know, because everyone is avoiding you at all costs.
Ron Swanson explains it perfectly when he says, “David Meyers, the Jewish guy who works at City Hall, once told me something. A schlemiel is the guy who spills soup at a fancy party. A schlemazel is the guy he spills it on. Jerry is both the schlemiel and schlemazel of our office.”
You don’t let your way boring 9-to-5 get you down. While you spend way beyond your means and are in very serious debt, it’s worth it to come home to an apartment that’s not depressing. Plus, it means that you outkick the coverage in a serious way when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, because your smarminess can be mistaken for charm if you’re bringing ladies back to a home that’s covered in blankets and coconut water, nature’s hangover elixir. You’re proof that the way to escape becoming a postgrad problem is by living your dreams, no matter how expensive and unrealistic they are. Plus, everyone knows that most companies are as useless as Entertainment 720, anyway.
You’re over-enthusiastic about life in general, although there’s a darkness that comes out on special occasions, like when you don’t get what you want (which happens once every forty years). You annoy the majority of your coworkers with your passion for work, because they’re just trying to get through the day without murdering someone (namely you).
Your sassiness has never stopped you from getting what you want, which is everything. You’re constantly treating yourself, even though you can’t actually afford it. You never overshare with your coworkers and friends, because your private life is just that, private. You always keep guys around, but you get rid of them when it’s time. After all, you’ve never let feelings get in the way of a good time.
The sixth season of Parks and Recreation premieres tonight on NBC.