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What Your Favorite Type Of Pizza Says About You

Mel Brooks once said, “Sex is like pizza; even when it’s bad, it’s good.” Not to take away from Mr. Brooks, but I think we’ve all come to that realization on our own. Nothing brings me to a food-induced orgasm quite like a warm, gooey slice of cheese pizza.

But just as people have different sexual appetites, the way people prefer their pizza says a lot about them, too, whether they know it or not. (If you’re curious about what your sexual appetite says about you, Tweet it to me and we’ll save it for PGP After Dark. Hopefully it’ll be something related to pizza.)

Cheese Pizza

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Regular, plain, cheese pizza–old reliable, tried and true. This is what you think of when you hear the word ” ‘za.” It’s always there when you need it, and it will always be around to comfort you after a hard day, a bad breakup, or a drunken, blurry evening. Some might call you boring and old-fashioned, but you know better. You’re direct, a straight-shooter, and you know exactly what you want. And what you want is a gooey, greasy, cheesy slice of pizza with no bullshit.

Toppings? That’s an insult. It’s like someone touching up the Mona Lisa or suggesting an “Indiana Jones” reboot. How could you possibly improve perfection? You’re not only reliable and consistent, you’re a purist. Let the rest of the world enjoy hot dog stuffed crust pizza or whatever. You just sit back and appreciate the classics.

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