In the last ten years, technology has developed the capacity to do amazing things. SpaceX has privatized space travel and re-launched a shuttle, while we can now 3D print everything from replacement machine parts to new organs for transplant patients, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. The best technological advancements are the ones that have personally impacted our lives to make them even more glorious – and lazier – than ever. Not only are we working on self-driving cars, but we can order food, Amazon packages, and personal drivers without ever even needing to put on pants. With a smartphone and GPS capabilities, I can do everything I need without leaving my bed, and while my muscles are probably degenerating as we speak, my brain is filled with a flood of endorphins from only having to move the absolute most minimal amount.
However, our laziness has now ascended to new heights. Until now, we’ve been using these technologies to promote our laziness by avoiding chores. Now, we’re avoiding doing things that are actually fun. That’s right, we now literally can’t even bring ourselves to go out to eat. In lieu of actually spending time in a restaurant, savoring our cuisine and catching up with our friends, we’re getting Taco Bell delivered and drinking straight out of the wine bottle. A new study showed that of the half of all adults who’d ordered takeout in the last three months, 60 percent of them chose mobile ordering over a traditional restaurant experience to avoid going outside. 41 percent said they wanted to catch up on television, and 25 percent of people just didn’t want to be bothered by anyone. Seriously, when Red Lobster starts showing Grey’s Anatomy on Thursday, I’ll consider moving, but until then, I think I’ll stay here, sweatpants and all.
Guys, this is getting really sad. I mean, I get the convenience of not having to leave bed to eat food that isn’t ramen out of a styrofoam cup, but come on. These statistics are just plain sad. 60% of you order food online so you don’t even have to leave your apartment? No wonder we’re all so freaking miserable all the time. A little bit of sunshine never hurt anyone, and besides, the delivery fee for your order is going to be at least as much as your minimum tip in a restaurant. Grab the friend or coworker you hate the least and treat yourself to some fresh queso that won’t have to be reheated in the microwave. I know this seems strange, but you may actually enjoy it. And then when you get home, you can put on your sweatpants and tune into ABC Thursdays for a nice visit to Shondaland – that is, after you’ve fulfilled your social obligations for the week. .
[via Washington Post]