There are some things around here we like more than others. Drunk back-9s, Matthew McConaughey, and bird dogs, just to name a few. But one theme that seems to remain consistent through the years is the weekend tradition we’ve come to know and love: brunch.
Brunch, for better or worse, is a mid-twenties staple. Everyone reaches an age where staying at a bar until last call affects them negatively for the days following and it’s much more feasible to plow through a carafe of mimosas that leads to a hungover nap rather than bottle service leading to a drunk morning. It’s all about lowering expectations, and treating your Saturday mornings like the biggest party of the weekend is the perfect way to rein oneself in. The more hungover you are at 7 p.m. from your morning of bloodies, the less likely you are to plow through a bucket of Miller Lites at your local watering hole. It’s all about maturity.
So when a Twitter user tipped me off to the first annual BrunchCon occurring in New York City? Well, you know my mind went racing.
A convention? In the city that never sleeps? Centered completely around the most coveted meal for anyone still trying to find themselves? Uh, yeah, count us in.
I don’t care that they have 17 food vendors committed. Food is secondhand to drink in the world of brunch. We’re all idiots who spend $14 on a dish made with only ten-cent eggs and bread, but we’re also the same idiots who think it’s a good idea to wake up and immediately commence the pounding of champagne with reckless abandonment rather than be functioning adults. Where BrunchCon really sets itself apart from the pack is with their extra amenities.
Touted as a lounge with “boozy cocktails” and “no light,” this place sounds like the ideal spot to completely mail it in and just get back on the train. “We got you, fam,” their website says with two girls pictured above the excerpt wearing oversized sunglasses. Sign. me. up.
Brunch Speed Dating
“Come meet your brunch bae at our brunch speed dating event,” they say, “which will be taking place continuously throughout the day.” While I want to condemn the folks at BrunchCon for using the term “bae” in 2017, I’m going to excuse them for two reasons. First, this site was probably put together by some 37-year-old bro who decided it was time for him to get out of the brunch game and start making something of himself. Secondly, this idea is phenomenal.
If you’re single and feeling the fury of drinks of last night’s past looking down on you, imagine sucking down a bloody Lady & The Tramp-style with someone equally as puffy-faced across from you. Brunch dates are making the comeback of all comebacks, and since everyone pretends to hate dating apps, this is legitimately the perfect compromise.
I’d say this market has everything, but that’s just false. If what you’re looking for is a gold-plated flask that fits an entire bottle of champs or some brunch-y apparel? Then yeah, shop til you drop. There’s no word yet on whether or not they’ll be carrying Sunday Scaries “Ride The Wave” shirts but once they inevitably extend a free all-expenses-paid invite for the world’s foremost authority, you bet it’ll happen.
If they don’t extend that info, though? Well, I guess I’ll have to get a bird dog instead. That’s a compromise I’m down with. .
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