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We Just Got Two New Interns — What The Hell Should They Be Doing?

We Just Got Two New Interns — What The Hell Should They Be Doing?

You know in The Devil Wears Prada where Emily takes Andrea under her wing so she doesn’t get eaten alive by Miranda Priestly? Oh, cool, you’re too good for that movie? Well, Meryl Streep is too good for MMA and football, but that doesn’t mean they’re inherently bad. Whatever, you get the picture – interns have it hard. Really hard. I mean, this guy treated his interns like “incompetent slaves” and got in trouble with human resources for it.

Well, we just got two new interns. A guy and a girl. Both in college. Reagan and Olivia. On the surface, they’re doing everything right: agreeing with our terrible takes, telling us they’re not cold even when we make them eat outside in sub-60 temperatures, and Reagan even looked up tee times for us on Saturday after he heard us discuss the possibility of golfing in passing.

But, like, I’m still not really sure what we need them to be doing. Like, yeah, Dave is probably going to have one of them stock our office with iced coffee since we’re tired of our Keurig flavors. But that takes, like, what? Fifteen minutes to accomplish? I mean, I can have Olivia glance over Things Girls Do After Graduation tomorrow to make sure I’m still current with how these young whippersnappers are talking, but I’m not really sure if she even likes the series or is just pretending to.

I honestly have no idea. Should they be searching Reddit for leads? Upping our Instagram game? Snapchatting Dave practicing his swing at his desk? I’m nervous around these two even though I’m a 30-year-old man. I wore a fucking sweater to work today while most days I wear joggers and a t-shirt. They’ve turned me into a nervous Nancy who doesn’t know what to do around them because they’re a decade younger than me and I have no idea how to interact with them.

Seriously, I need help. What the hell should we have these two do to make the site and/or our lives exponentially better?

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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