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Warren Buffett And The Art Of The Old Man Car

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So, apparently Warren Buffett just picked up a Cadillac, because according to a recent Forbes piece, he only drives “around 3,500” miles a year. Not really surprising when you think about it.

The guy sweats money, so why the fuck would he need to drive himself anywhere? I’d hire a gigantic ex-Marine, rename him “Manute,” and make him my valet/theme song player. The theme song would always be “Shoot To Thrill” by AC/DC, by the way.

But seriously, the guy bought a Cadillac, which is such an old man car (as well as supposedly being a car predominantly driven by black people–I was told had something to do with them being dependable) it hurts.

I guess I just don’t understand why a dude who drives so infrequently wouldn’t want his cubes to rattle when he actually got behind the wheel. Why not go for something with some major power behind it? Something with some balls? Cadillacs are fine if you’re driving to the opera or to a ballgame or whatever, but if I’m taking a car out on the open road and I’ve got Buffett-level money, I’m buying a Lamborghini Murciélago, blasting DragonForce, and crashing that thing into the nearest mountain at 150 miles per hour or higher.

I wonder if one day I’ll succumb to the desire of buying an old man’s car. It’s kind of in my genes.

My dad, for the longest time, drove an Oldsmobile. Based solely on the name, it’s an old man’s car. This was when he was in his forties, though, which is bizarre to me. Now he drives these sexy, little SUVs, which I find fascinating. Then again, he drives the dogs around like a boss, feeds them fast food, and just doesn’t give a fuck…so, slow clap for him.

None of the “old men” I know drive old man cars. They’re all captains of industry or land developers or just boss-level human beings, so they’re all neat.

Can we really criticize Buffett for his bizarre taste in cars? He could basically buy the Grandex brand, rename it, and then burn the offices to the ground and probably still make money on the deal. The writers and editors would essentially just shake our heads in amazement.

Who are we to question Buffett’s vehicular choices? Sure, at that age and with that money, I’d invest more into a Batman-style cape that bends into whatever shape I need it to and just glide all over the place, but that’s just me. Or the Lambo. Whatever is more fun.

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