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Villanova Law Grad Expertly Demonstrates How NOT To Get A Job (By Sending “Sexy” Photos)

The job market is a tough place, especially for lawyers. It seems like nowadays almost everyone goes to law school to put off the real world just a little bit longer, and/or because they assume, “Hey, some lawyers make lots of money, so I’ll probably make lots of money! Hooray!” Once people graduate law school, however, reality sets in. According to law blog (though unfortunately it isn’t Bob Loblaw’s Law Blog) Above The Law, only a little over 50% of the class of 2012 found a full-time, long-term position as a lawyer within nine months of graduation. Many people are still struggling, and the poor bastard who thought this cover letter was a good idea is one of them. His name is Brian Zulberti, and he’s a 2009 graduate of Villanova Law.

Dear Delaware Attorney,

My apologies for cluttering your E-mail with a non-life-or-death matter. I am a recently admitted Delaware attorney with minimal local legal contacts. I’ve diligently done outreach to all the large firms and still find myself running the job-search gauntlet. However, I know there are many solo practices, very small firms, in-house jobs, and other jobs that may be seeking help.

In the interest of brevity and not being even more annoying than I already arguably am, I am not going to include any more information about myself. All I ask is that if you are looking to employ someone with a legal background, anywhere from paralegal to practicing attorney, let me know and I will send you some information about myself. Thank you for your time and attention.

Note- it comes to my attention that a lot of attorneys are forwarding this to the individual in charge of hiring at various firms. I am sending out thousands of E-mails to attempt to reach as comprehensive and diverse a group of attorneys as possible. If everyone forwards it to the person in charge of hiring at their firms, those poor individuals are going to be swamped with E-mails from me. Odds are, that person will also receive an E-mail from me. So do not feel compelled to forward this along if you do not know of some particular, specific position available.

The letter itself kind of comes off as witty and charming. Not bad stuff, really. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, Zulberti decided to include this picture of himself with the letter.

brian-zulberti-e1374680026833

Sweet ‘ceps brah. Nothing says, “I can drop the law hammer,” like some beefy guns. I assume the job offers came pouring in after every attorney in Delaware spied those torso cannons (is that a big arm euphemism? It is now). Of course, like most employers nowadays, they probably Googled you first, which means they probably found this picture from your Facebook profile.

brian-zulberti-not-an-escort

Privacy settings: they’re a thing, use ’em. Also, this guy has a pretty impressive set of colored markers, glad he put them to good use. In the meantime, Zulberti might want to try applying for jobs in a different state, as I’m pretty sure this hilarity has made the rounds in the Delaware legal community and has been greeted with nothing but laughter. That tends to be what happens when you make your cover letter look like a Grindr profile.

[via Above The Law]

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Rob Fox

Rob Fox is a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move (as Bacon), Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. From St. Louis originally, he currently lives in Austin, Texas, and still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living. He is also prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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