The circular reasoning of, “I don’t go out because I don’t have any friends,” and, “I don’t have any friends because I don’t go out.” PGP.

I shit more in one day than I did a week in college. PGP.

Work was offering free lunch today but instead I drove 10 minutes and ate at Arby’s alone just to get out of the office. PGP.

1: “What do you do for a living?” 2: “I don’t want to talk about it.” PGP.

It’s 9:30 in the morning and I already feel like I need a beer. PGP.

Stuck between my office’s strict ” No dating in the workplace” policy and my inability to meet anyone outside of the workplace. PGP.

Referring to customers by their characteristics, not by their names. PGP.

It used to be “No new friends” because I didn’t want any. Now it’s “no new friends” because I can’t make any. PGP.

1: “Who in the fuck brewed decaf?” 2: “Some virgin.” PGP.