At least Jordan Speith and I have the same hair line.

When I start thinking that I won’t have an original idea, I just remind myself that Jimmy Buffett wrote a song about goddamn cheeseburgers and is now a multimillionaire.

Finding the acceptable volume for your Pandora to play at your desk without pissing off your co-workers.

I just read “21 True Facts About Drew Carey That Will Blow Your Mind”.

Having sex with my shirt on.

I just told somebody to “join the team.” I feel like a little part of me has died.

Everyone in the office knows I’m hungover.

My friend got a sleep apnea mask. I’m kinda jealous. PGP.

My wife joined Twitter. Now I have to stop following porn stars. PGP.

I’m old enough to remember when Facebook required you to have a .edu email address to become a member. PGP.