Australia is just now finding out that there are people in this world that will abuse government bennies. I mean, I’m sure they’ve always been aware of this, but now they’re trying to do something about it since dudes are out here abusing the hell out of it, apparently.
According to the Associated Press, Australia plans to tighten its rules on who qualifies for unemployment benefits to encourage the jobless to get back to work. They don’t come out and say it, but I’m betting that the myriad of absurd reasons people were turning down jobs while collecting bennies.
The Employment Department released some sample excuses received from Aussie “job hunters,” and I need to shake this old guy’s hand.
— A 58-year-old man was not prepared to work for three hours on Sundays because that was when he played golf.
Counterpoint: Actually, this is completely valid. No job should come between a man and his Sunday foursome. There’s a pretty good chance that the only time his boys can all get together without triggering a wife revolt is on Sunday, and you can’t just take that away from a guy. Not only that, but can you imagine how miserable this guy would be on Sundays if he was working while his buddies were out crushing bloodys and rolling putts? This was for the best.
Golf FOMO is real. Ask anyone who’s been unfortunate enough to have a good buddy that works in oil and gas the last few years. Golf on Friday is basically in the job description, and Snapchatting it like an asshole is the norm.
Other excuses included:
— A 19-year-old man turned down a job “to follow his dream of becoming an actor.”
Counterpoint: Imagine if the State of California had to subsidize the incomes of every asshole that dropped everything to become an actor. Do they do that already?
— A 26-year-old man refused a job because “he doesn’t work with chickens.”
Counterpoint: This one isn’t that crazy to me. I could totally see a chicken acting like an asshole. Always pecking at stuff, and don’t the chickens have large talons?
— A 50-year-old woman declined a receptionist position because of a “bad smell” in the office.
Counterpoint: We have a conference room that smells like feet. I get it.
— A 33-year-old man rejected car washing as “too difficult.”
Counterpoint: I imagine every car in Australia is actually an old Ford Ranger with a suspension lift that’s covered in sand and the blood of warlords. Nobody should be expected to wash those.
— A 23-year-old man refused to become a driver’s assistant because he wanted to drive.
Counterpoint: What am I missing here? The kid wants to show a little initiative and drive. Don’t stifle his confidence by making him assist the driver. What does that even mean?
Now that the government wants to close the loophole that allows the unemployed to refuse jobs while collecting welfare checks, the freedom to turn down meh jobs may be a thing of the past. But before you shame our brothers and sisters milking the government for bennies, ask yourself this: could you bail on your Sunday group for a job?.
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