It’s late Saturday night and you’ve just nestled into bed with a hot pocket and season one of Gilmore Girls. Then you get this text. Decisions, decisions.
Text: You still up?
Translation: Wanna come over and get me up?
Text: I can’t sleep.
Translation: I’m hard.
Text: What u up to?
Translation: Drunk enough to fuck?
Text: I’m not tired.
Translation: Come tire me out.
Text: Come snuggle.
Translation: Are you open to anal?
Text: I hate being alone.
Translation: Going to sleep with blue balls is the worst.
Text: I’m probably just staying in.
Translation: Come over, I’ll stick it in.
Text: I’m bored.
Translation: Is it cool if I choke you out?
Text: Come over.
Translation: Fifty percent chance I’m still awake by the time you get here.
Text: Io wa7nt yiou so baaadf
Translation: I want you because I’m extremely intoxicated so don’t be mad when I can’t remember your full name in the morning.