Since starting my 8-5 cubicle job, I’ve started to realize that my largest fears have changed. Instead of my college fears of failing out of college or getting an incurable disease from 2 week old pizza, I’ve moved on to these very real fears:
5. Surprise Meeting
What could be worse than showing up to work content that you’re 9 minutes late instead of the normal 10 just to find out there’s a meeting this morning and you’re co-presenting the report? Time to start catching a “cold” right before the meeting.
4. Getting Fat
We came straight out of college, where we had endless free time and room for activities, to an 8×8 cubicle where we’re not expected to move for 8+ hours. So naturally, we’re going to gain weight with that slowing metabolism and same college diet. I haven’t gained a single pound since college but that hasn’t changed my recent change from eating pizza three times a week to eating “health-consciously.” It doesn’t help that our wellness team floods my inbox with health tips that I can’t possibly complete in the day.
3. Costing The Company Millions
I’m an accountant. I deal with the finances of our multi-billion dollar company, which is a pretty big deal if I plug in the wrong number in our system. I can’t manage my own finances, but they trust me with theirs. Obviously missing a few extra zeros on our accounts and I could see myself…
2. Being Fired
If you’re in the real world, not working for the government, and you’re not worried about being fired, you’re delusional. Having nightmares of being fired is almost an every other night reoccurrence. Last week, a guy was carrying empty boxes toward my cube and I felt like Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart. This was the end of my time here, and I was accepting my fate. Turns out, the boxes were for a supervisor so he could move from one luxurious office to a more luxurious office.
1. No Pants
What could be worse than the fear of being fired? I’ll tell you: it’s the fear of showing up to work without pants. Sure, it’s a little irrational, especially in the middle of January, but it still eats at me. I can honestly tell you I check to see if I’m wearing pants at least three times per morning commute. You can say I’m crazy, but I can tell you I have a 100% success rate of going to work with pants.