The biggest mistake of my twenties was turning down a free Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville Frozen Margarita Machine. I was young, dumb, and didn’t understand the need for a $350 Margarita machine when there were perfectly good 30-packs of Busch just sitting at my local gas station. Now that I’m stuck at the age of 30 spending $9.95 for a top-shelf margarita every time I go out, I kick myself for being the dumbass that I was at the tender age of 22.
But all of that is behind me now and I have a new goal to set my sights on: retiring at a recently announced Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville Retirement Home, as reported by Thrillist. Needless to say, these aren’t going to be your grandma’s retirement homes.
Jimmy Buffett has officially partnered with Minto Communities, which probably means nothing to you if you’re under the age of 50 and have fears of not retiring until you’re well into your 60s. The aim of this partnership is for Jimmy to create homes for anyone over the age of 55, which officially means early retirement at the age of 55 has become the new gold standard for living. The homes probably have the Jimmiest Buffettiest goal of all-time: “rigorously dedicated to doling out margaritas and chill vibes.” Uh, yeah, sign me and all my friends up.
Never mind the fact that the above goal is the goal of pretty much everyone in their 20s who can’t go out like they used to – we all need to start actually saving for retirement before we hit our 50s and realize we’re all still poor from Postmating every meal on the weekends.
The senior vice president of Minto, Bill Bullock (low-key power name), clarifies that, “It’s going to be a very fun place.” No shit, Sherlock. Jimmy Buffett, the self-appointed king of chill, is in charge. Of course it’s going to be a very fun place to live. “We expect our first residents to be living in the community by late summer of 2018,” he went on to say. And yes, I’ve already sent an email wondering if there’s an early move-in policy and/or a way to start a paying one off now. At $200,000 to $350,000 per unit, you could have one of these marg-havens paid off by the time you’re 55 if you play your cards right.
Baker’s Bay Spring Break 2K17 with Rickie, Smylie, Jordan, and Justin? Nah, I’m good. Sign me up for a poolside seat at a Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville Retirement Home where everyone’s beyond the age of giving a fuck. Man, retirement is going to be the shit. .