Approximately 96 hours ago, I was floating on a lake stuffing my face with grilled pork products and frosty cans of Yuengling. As the sweet sounds of Hootie’s “Cracked Rear View” fluttered into the air out of my Bluetooth speaker, I found myself perfectly in Zen on Memorial Day weekend. I wasn’t thinking about the pressures of work, the inconsistency of my putting, or my crippling inability to sustain a conversation with any woman that isn’t a buddies’ girlfriend. Clear Mind, Fully Tummy, Can’t Lose. Sunday night kicked ass, and I felt like I was playing with house money. Jimmy Buffett said it best: “Come Monday, it’ll be alright.”
It wasn’t. Fast forward to Monday night, and I found myself in shambles. After taking down a DQ chicken finger basket, I lit a few candles and guzzled several mugs of ice water as I scaried my way through the beginning of Bloodline season 2. I woke up two separate times in the night, soaked in a panicked, frigid sweat. My alarm was set go off in a few short hours, but the intensity of the Tuesday dawn felt like a lifetime. Tossing and turning, I caught myself asking, over and over, “How could you do this to me, Tuesday? I thought we had a good thing going?” Tuesdays are when I go get $3 margs after half-assing at the gym for an hour. Tuesdays are one day closer to the weekend. I usually look forward to Tuesdays because they aren’t Mondays.
I’m quitting you, Tuesday. Time to start seeing other people. It’s not me, it’s you. And no, I’m not hitting up that girl down the hall, Wednesday (that dumb camel commercial a few years back destroyed Hump Day for me). Nope, I’m going all in on Thursday, baby.
Everyone hypes up Friday, but that’s a given, right? Thursday is a tasty appetizer for the weekend. Thursday curbs your appetite just enough without spoiling the main course. If Friday through Sunday is the Steak dinner, Thursday is the chilled Caesar salad with capers and fresh parm. Full flavor, less filling. By the time Friday rolls around, you’re already sliding your knife through that ribeye. You want to make sure you savor every bite without gobbling it all up at once.
Thursdays are the perfect tease that the weekend is near. When they bring out the chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant, you know you’re not far from enchilada paradise. Those chips prime your palate for the spicy, cheesy main event. Fill up on chips too early though, and you’re toast, brother.
Keep in mind there’s an art to the balance. Yeah, you can go solo on the sampler platter with cheesy potato skins, fried pickles, and boneless wings –- if you’re a psycho. An app like this turns Friday and Saturday into Pepto and Powerade. You’ve got to have some fuel left in the tank to enjoy all the flavors later on. Midnight tequila shots at a dance club might not be the best play when you know you’ve got work in the morning. A couple Thursday night lagers in a low-key setting, though? That’ll get your mind (and liver) ready to pipe it up during the weekend.
In practical terms, use Thursday to catch a friendly buzz. It can come from a few drinks or just an enjoyable activity. After work, get out and have a few mules on a patio. Round up your softball team and grab some pitchers of Michelob Ultra after a 9th inning comeback. Pop open a bottle of semi-sweet white and play some Jenga. Get down with your bad self, go to that artisan bakery, and get a cupcake -– just don’t eat an entire cake.
Tonight, get out there and enjoy yourself. Just save some room for the weekend..