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Those Pre-Moistened Butt Wipes Are Ruining Your Ass

Big Boom: Burning Man 2012 Fireball

Folks, I write to you today with a heavy heart, and a backdoor that burns like hellfire.

According to Doctors at Ohio State University, popular pre-moistened toiletry wipes are causing an increased number of allergic reactions in Americans, thanks to an increased use of the preservative methylisothiazolinone, or “MI,” in the production of wipes.

According to CBS News:

“We’ve seen a significant rise in people who are allergic to it,” said Matthew Zirwas, MD, director of the contact dermatitis center at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center. ”I can’t even begin to tell you how miserable these patients are. They’re walking around 24 hours a day with this rash equivalent to poison ivy.”

Other products that have this preservative in them are shampoos and liquid soaps, but since those are rinsed off the body after use, they do not cause as strongly an allergic reaction as the wipes do, if at all.

So, once again, everything I’ve ever known is a lie. I’m gonna find those damn Charmin Bears and mount them over my fireplace.

Once my ass stops burning, that is.

[via CBS New York]

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