I’m already sick of Winter Storm Jonas and it hasn’t even hit yet. Like, I get it. It’s snow. And you’re in New York City. But does the entire United States have to hear about it?
It’s not only the photos of empty shelves and people’s Instagrams of their supplies, but now I’m seeing Craigslist ads for dudes purely looking to hunker down and bone out for the entirety of the weekend.
Don’t Get Fucked by Jonas, Get Fucked by 2 Russians Instead – mm4ww (Flatbush)
Forecast in. Looks like we all getting snowed in. Fear not, dear girl(s)! Myself and another comrade will help you survive storm this weekend. With vodka and 420 to start festivities, we do more fun later. Unlike storm, our inches guaranteed (and warm).
We want no one suffer in this mess, so come and bring friend or two if you want. This going to be small party, so please do not bring more male comrades, only nice devochkas. Please send email to ask question or share picture. We like that. Look forward to see you this Saturday or Sunday.
These two comrades are aggressive. I could start with how they’re being weirdly specific about they’re going to start their party (vodka and weed only), but they followed it up with the most forward line I’ve heard in 2016: “Unlike storm, our inches guaranteed (and warm).” Imagining these dudes saying it with a Taken-esque villain accent puts me in such a dark place.
While I appreciate that they don’t want anyone to suffer during the winter storm, this party doesn’t exactly sound like much of a release from anything. I don’t even know what a “devochka” is but I do know that I don’t want to know.
Oh, and a photo of these guys?
Stay warm, everyone. .
Image via YouTube