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This Is Certainly An Interesting Condom (NSFW)

Watch out, gunslingers. There’s a new sheriff in town.

Or rather, there’s a new type of condom in town, better known as the Galactic Pregnancy Prevention Cap.

If you’re the type of person who enjoys judging a book by it’s cover, this is where we can say goodbye. If, however, you’re the type of person who wants to join me on this wild ride (you can bet your ass that pun was intended), then do I have a treat for you.

The G-Cap, which is how I’m choosing to refer to it because I’m clearly smarter than any guy trying to advertise this fine piece of American-made (probably not) latex contraption, is meant to provide more pleasure during certain extracurricular activities. Basically, what we have here, is an adhesive base that you are to stick to the tip of your peen that is waterproof, piss-proof, and probably vag-proof by the sound of it. When the time is just right, AKA before you put the P in the V, take out this cap thing and stick it to the base.

Here are my completely unsolicited thoughts:

1. As a person with female parts, I wouldn’t want that thing around me. It looks sad.
2. It seems as though it is not to be trusted. And I swear to God, if this thing tries to pull an Emma Geller on me, I’m going rogue with this guy’s junk. Like, Lorena Bobbitt rogue.
3. I disagree with this whole “400-year breakthrough” bullshit. Trojan Fire and Ice condoms are pretty fucking revolutionary, if you ask me. And unless you’re marching to the beat of your own drummer (puns, puns, puns), you’re probably not using sheepskin, anymore.
4. If the base is “adhesive,” wouldn’t there be lint all over it, conflicting in the whole sticking on of the cap (alias: THE MOST IMPORTANT PART)?

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Kelly Kapowski

Kelly is a recently unemployed post-grad who quit her job in advertising. After spending much of life maintaining '90s heart throb status, she is now spending much of her time trying to figure out how she's going to pay next month's rent. Much like her time spent on "Saved by the Bell," Kelly still hates pants.

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