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This “iPhoneography” Course Is Everything That’s Wrong With The World

This "iPhoneography" Course Is Everything That's Wrong With The World

I’m the type of person who keeps their phone on my nightstand and checks my email and social media accounts the second I wake up. It was on such a chilly morning that I burrowed deeper into my covers and opened my email to clear out the inbox for a fresh start to the day. Spam, spam, spam, Twitter, spam, legitimate email, spam, spam…oh, Living Social!

I love finding new and exciting activities to force my friends into and Living Social is one of my main sources for this torture. I’ve gotten some pretty sweet deals on merchandise and services just by checking their daily apps section (looking at you, remote car starter).

I opened the email to peruse the deals of the day to see if there were any cool discounts that struck my fancy. There was the usual assortment of athletic wear, art classes, car maintenance services, etc., but my finger stopped dead when I saw the newest class on offer.

The headline read: “2-Hour Iphoneography Online Class!” with a picture of a middle-aged woman attempting to take a landscape photo in a park.

“Surely, this isn’t a real thing,” I thought as I clicked on the link in horror/delight.

Well, great news, everyone. It was better than I expected.

For the price of just $30 ($60 value), you can take an iPhoneography class that will teach you how to “Shoot, Enhance and Share with iOS Apps!” However, the real deal here is the $99 ($200 value) “Four-Week Online Photo Class with On-Demand Help by Email: Includes Education on Composition, Light, and Digital Techniques.”

There is no other description or advertising language. That’s it.

After discovering this gem of an educational opportunity, I have some questions.

1. Who the fuck is buying this?!
According to the LivingSocial site, 17 of these deals have been purchased. My first guess would be 60+-year-old grandparents, but in that case, why don’t they just call one of their grandchildren to explain it to them like they do with every other technology? I can’t imagine Millenials are buying this, because if there’s one thing we’re all good at (besides blowing our enormous rent checks on decadent brunches) it’s knowing how to make ourselves look deceptively good in a selfie and throwing filters on shit.

2. I’m going to ask the same question that Mark Cuban asks all of the delusional asshats on Shark Tank who think their startup idea is worth $1 Billion: How did you arrive at this valuation?!
Like, okay, maybe I’ll let you slide with $30 because you’re trying to get a hustle going here, but a $60 value? Even worse, a $200 value? What kinds of iPhone photos are you taking that require this much finesse and skill? I like to think that all the retirees in their communities are learning how to take sexy, thirst trap photos for the Insta and Snapchat, but somehow I doubt that’s what’s happening.

3. The $200 course is four weeks… four weeks on WHAT?!
You could probably teach someone to develop an app in four weeks, which would be a much better value for $200. Like… how much time does it take to teach someone to take a picture that isn’t shit with a super powerful point and click camera? This reeks of scam to me.

4. If you’re that into photography, why aren’t you buying a professional camera and taking an actual photography course?!
This course claims it will teach you about, “Composition, Light, and Digital Techniques.” If those are things you’re willing to pay for and taking a great, quality photo is that important to you, why aren’t you looking into ACTUAL photography courses and supplies? Sure, they can be expensive, but if you’re really interested in it there are plenty of cheap and affordable resources.

5. “iPhoneography?”
No. Just no. I will not allow this term to come into parlance. If taking a fire selfie or vacation shot makes you a photographer or an iPhoneographer, then I guess I’m Annie fucking Leibovitz. Making up a new name for something that is one of the most popular activities in the world does not make you an entrepreneur, it makes you insufferable.

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Quinn Truflais

Formerly known as Queen of The Garbage People. Functional title still stands. Dog owner, whiskey drinker, Star Wars fangirl. #DoingItForTheContent QuinnTruflais@gmail.com

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