I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again – I get reader emails, but I don’t get that many reader emails. If I do get them, I always try to respond with somewhere between one and fifty words acknowledging my appreciation for reaching.
But sometimes, especially in this case, the email clearly is meant to get posted anonymously and shared with the masses for the greater good of the internet. So without saying too much, below is an email I received this morning with the subject line, “#VaginaBreakup2016” in its entirety.
I’m emailing you because I’m a big fan of both wasting time at work and TGDAG, so I figure you might have some insight on maybe the biggest d-bag move I’ve witnessed (and I have a type.)
So I recently moved to a big football town for my first post-grad job and obviously I hopped right on the going out/dating scene. I met this really great guy, who is a young football coach or grad assistant, whatever. I’m from the north, unless we’re talking Chicago Bears, I could care less about football.
So I started seeing this guy, he was cool and down to earth. We went on a couple dates before I let him sleepover and then once it happened, well we started staying in more and actually dating less—more eating at home and jumping in bed, honeymoon phase style. So all was good.
We went out for burgers one night and get home to turn on the Bachelorette, a commercial comes on and we’re laying in bed side by side at his house and the convo goes as follows:
Him: I facetimed my nephew today, let me show you a picture. He’s so cute.
Him: *pulls out his phone*
Me: *leans over*
*PICTURE OF A VAGINA GYNOCOLOGIST VIEW POPS UP IN IMESSAGES*
Him: uhhh *swipes out really quick* here, look this is my nephew
Me: Wow, he’s really cute but I’m way more interested in the other pic.
Him: That’s nothing, no big deal
Me: Isn’t that a picture of a vagina?
Him: Yeah but like it’s nothing
Me: Who just sends you a picture of a vagina?
Him: Some crazy girl with a boyfriend who just sent me that out of nowhere
Me: It looks like you replied
Him: Yeah I told her she has a boyfriend and not to send me that
*Silence until the bachelorette ends, 15 more mins*
Me: Do you want the TV on or off?
Him: Whatever you want, we can leave it on or off
Me: Well I’m actually going home so I’ll just turn it off
Me: *Gets dressed*
*Leaves bathroom light on out of spite*
LIKE BRO, This guy could’ve said anything to make the situation. I am nothing if not gullible toward douchebags. But an unsolicited vag pic? Unheard of. He didn’t text me the next day until 11AM with a half-assed apology, which I responded with a “we’ve been moving too fast, I’m not cool with that stuff.” Where we didn’t talk for about a week and then he drunk texted me an “I miss you” and we half-assed talked sober but still no actual try from this guy.
So DeFries, I’m asking your opinion on all things crazy girl and since you’re a guy. Was I right to block his number or was I being crazy?
P.S. Let me know if you need any other info, pics or whatever
First of all, while I appreciate your offer to send me ‘pics’ from this situation, I must respectfully decline because then I’d just be the exact same guy with random ‘vagina pics’ on my phone, which is something I try to avoid at all costs.
But let’s get really into the thick of the question here – were you right to block this guy’s number or were you being crazy?
The short answer? No.
There’s an age-old adage, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” In this case, the “smoke” is the photo of a random girl’s vagina on the receiving end of your pseudo-ex-boyfriend’s phone. The “fire” is the girl on the other end of that text message who is bonkers enough to send a nude photo by way of iMessage. In an age where Snapchat exists, you’d have to be a certified psycho to be tossing nude-bombs on iMessage. Nevermind the fact that you were romantically involved with the dumbass that was too slow to delete the texts in the first place, but you got yourself involved with a guy who clearly has roots getting involved with a girl that’s likely to light his car on fire if she heard he’s involved with you.
You don’t need to run because this guy has beaver shots on his phone. You need to run because this guy has a visibly checkered past with a girl who is known in this college town for pulling other girls’ weaves out at the bar when they get served before her. Sending a straight-up shot of your downtown on a medium that doesn’t automatically delete or expire the photo is a move of a girl who starts a GoFundMe to get a career in fashion when she’s already spent the last four years working at Hooters. There has never been an Uber that this girl has taken where it didn’t end with her getting one-star and the driver yelling, “Please, get out of my car.” When she argues with people, she claps her hands between every word.
I don’t care how much you like (or liked) this guy. Unless you want to get Teresa Halbach’d, download every dating app in the app store and find a guy who doesn’t have a checkered past of texting with Runaround Sues like that one. .