Bachelor parties are the pinnacle once you reach a certain age. This we know. Being younger, you never really felt that tied down when it came to leaving town without your girlfriend. After all, high school girlfriends didn’t count and no one even remembers college.
But things change. You can’t go off the grid like you used to because there’s always going to be someone worrying about you. You can’t go out with a phone at 12 percent battery without getting a wave of anxiety because technology has rendered your drunken inner-compass useless. The term “ball and chain” now makes sense, even if you’re the tough guy of your group who claims that he can “do whatever he wants.”
Kieran Lumsden, a Scottish dude who planned a trip with his boys, learned this the hard way when his girlfriend, Whitney Travers, gave him ten rules before heading out. She legitimately made a book that looks like something you made in grade school, but rather than being a “I like you”-style Valentine’s Day card, it was a step-by-step booklet on being a whipped slave to her. It blew up on Twitter, and for good reason because she’s a flat-out psycho.
The rules read in full:
1. Make sure your phone is charged at ALL times! Phone me at least once a day (2 mins)
2. No girls whatsoever. Don’t look. Don’t talk. Do not touch!!!!!! (Cheat and I will destroy everything Celtic, I will also make your life a living hell. Kim will be told too.)
3. Do not follow girls on social media.
4. TATTOO = NAW, you’ll be checked when you get home
5. DON’T mix drink! “DRUGS ARE FOR MUGS”
6. If on boat party, no drinking games with the opposite sex.
7. Stay in your own bed!
8. Dinny buy girls drink. That money can be spent on me.
9. Text Kim every day! She’ll be worrying.
10. You tell every girl about me ok – if someone flirts, WALK AWAY
NO PHOTOS WITH RANDOM GIRLS OR SC STORIES
Yeah, toots. Here’s a little insight for you that you should probably spread to your friends. I don’t know what the equivalent of Vegas is in Scotland, but we have a little saying here in the U.S. of A – “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Kieran’s boys definitely said, “Kieran, we’re gettin’ mental this weekend whether Whitney knows it or not.” Even if he followed your rules, he didn’t actually follow your rules. He played drinking games with babes, he took Snapchats with them (on their phone, not his), and he bought drinks for them with money that he will no longer be able to spend on you.
The truth hurts, doesn’t it? .