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This 38-Person House In San Francisco Looks Like My Personal Nightmare

This 38-Person House In San Francisco Looks Like My Personal Nightmare

My freshman year of college, I shared a room with one other guy. Everything was fine and dandy for the first month or so. I loved the communal atmosphere of my dormitory. The camaraderie I had with people on my floor. And then one fateful night in October, it happened. I woke up to the sound of vomit hitting our tile floor. It had been a long Saturday night, and my roommate, who slept three feet from me hadn’t been able to make it to the bathroom in time. His puke littered the ground next to my bed and actually made it onto my comforter.

It took all of my power to not start throwing up myself. It was at this point that I swore off sharing a bedroom with someone unless that someone was a girl who had sex with me on a semi-regular basis. This is also known as a live-in girlfriend. I just can’t sleep that close to another human being. It’s not natural. And it wasn’t even about the puke so much as it was about being able to hear him breathing. Now imagine sharing a room with not one person but five.

If that sounds like “your kind of bag,” check out this promotional video for one “Chateau Ubuntu,” a 10-bedroom house in San Francisco’s Alamo Square neighborhood. The “community” (as it’s referred to) resides in a French Victorian mansion where 38 people share food, living space, and talk about how they’re going to make a difference in the world. What a crock of shit. The goal after college is to upgrade your life. Sleeping six to a room is not an upgrade. That’s prison. Worse than prison, actually.

Remember the kids who lived in co-ops in college? They lived in houses similar to this one. Always looked at a little funny by the rest of the general population at your school, they put off obligations like class or homework not for football games and parties but for candle making get-togethers and ambient noise concerts. Chateau Ubuntu (nice job on the cultural appropriation, by the way) is just like those college co-ops except they’re for post-graduates. Just look at this picture:

Hey guys are you having fun??? #bayforbreakers #chateauubuntu

A photo posted by GOodM☕️rningUbuntu! (@goodmorningubuntu) on

We’ve got a guy in full knight regalia, a girl in a tutu, a couple minorities (wouldn’t be a real co-op without at least a few), a pirate, and some bro wearing a Pats t-shirt. All walks of life living under one roof. And that guy with the Patriots shirt on? Yeah, he definitely wears that ironically as a commentary on how pointless sports are in the grand scheme of things. How about San Francisco trying to out-Brooklyn Brooklyn? If they keep pulling shit like these forty-person houses I have no doubt that they’ll be hipper.

Adalyn.

A photo posted by GOodM☕️rningUbuntu! (@goodmorningubuntu) on

Apparently, this is Adalyn. If I had to guess, Adalyn makes her own deodorant and definitely doesn’t own a television. These co-op people strike me as the type who are happy all of the time. You can’t trust people like that. Just no edge.

Rent starts at $650 for a bunk in a six-person bedroom and reaches $1,050 for a more private spot in a two-person room. All tenants pay an addition $350 monthly membership fee to help cover food, utilities, cleaning, and other community needs, according to the online application.

I always knew living in San Francisco was expensive, but $1,050 dollars to share a room with one other person is beyond absurd. People living in the Chateau are into “sharing with intention” and eat produce rescued from dumpsters. Why is it suddenly trendy to live like this? I have to imagine anyone living here could just as soon afford to live in a place with two or three other roommates and not have to eat literal garbage food. How much do you really like your roommate(s)? Aren’t there some days when you get home at 6:30 or 7 and zero human interaction is the only thing in the world you want? I’m getting exhausted just thinking about dealing with 37 other people when I return home from a long day at work. Chateau Ubuntu is literal nightmare fuel.

[via Business Insider]

Image via Youtube

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Johnny D

fashion icon. @dudaronomy on twitter. e-mail: jduda10@gmail.com

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