Anytime you go to a wedding, you’re hoping for excitement. You want something to happen that you can talk about the next day. You crave someone getting too drunk (you know, as long as it’s not you) who you can tease for the foreseeable future in the group text. You hope it’s not just another snoozefest.
But rarely do you hope for things to go this badly.
In the ides of November, I brought to you a lawsuit that was filed over a $125,000 engagement ring for a wedding that never happened. I called this guy a “poor sap,” and that name still rings true given the influx of information that has since been released regarding the shitshow that is this relationship.
Per The New York Post:
A ritzy Manhattan wedding rehearsal dinner descended into a brawl after the groom’s parents objected to a toast on the eve of the couple’s $325,000 nuptials at The Pierre hotel, according to a lawsuit between warring would-be in-laws.
At some point during the chaos, the seething bride gave her betrothed an ultimatum: “Make a choice, me or your mother,” according to a source.
Apparently, he chose his mom, because the ceremony was canceled, he sued his bride, and the father of the bride sued his would-be in-laws.
Oh, the money I would’ve paid to see this all transpire. Yes, marriage announcements from The New York Times are insufferable as they come, but this Manhattan Royal Rumble makes those puff pieces look like peanuts.
The brawl occurred at Blue Water Grill in Union Square. Through my limited research, this place looks as Pinterest-y as you’d expect for a $325,000 wedding. Between their endless seafood and beef options, you could really fuck up some commas if you’re wining and dining two families and a hundred of their closest friends and relatives.
With the soon-to-be bride and groom’s parents already hating one another, it was decided that the bride’s brother was going to be speaking at the occasion. Bad move. The groom’s father went full Gordon Gekko and is claimed to say, “Do you know what I can do to you?” after he declared that the groom’s brother was not going to be allowed to speak at the dinner. When the groom’s father attempted to kick the brother out, well, things went south. Again, per The New York Post.
Wendy Moss [the groom’s mother], 60, began arguing with Adam [the bride’s brother], and the groom’s brother, Michael, slugged Adam in the kisser, according to the suit.
The groom’s dad then tried to charge Adam, while Bruce Bzura, 66, struggled to hold him back, the suit says.
The evening ended in “shouting and tears” — and the groom’s mom phoning guests on the spot to tell them the big event was off, according to the lawsuit.
This is the stuff dreams are made of, especially if your dreams are filled with socialite trainwrecks and drunken Manhattanites big-dicking one another.
But it didn’t even end there.
After this transpired, the groom’s father hated the family so much that he threatened to cut his son out of his will should he go through with the marriage. And considering this wedding was to the tune of over a quarter-million dollars, I’m pretttttty pretty sure that’s a will you want to be a part of. The groom’s parents even changed the locks on the couple’s apartment so the bride-to-be couldn’t get back in to collect her belongings (love that the couple was living in a place provided by their parents, by the way). And this is where the entire lawsuit for the $125,800 engagement ring began.
The suit for the ring has yet to be settled, but you best believe I’ll keep my ear to the ground for any rumblings regarding that. But when it comes to the $1,100-a-head wedding reception? Well, that has yet to be settled either. The bride’s father is claimed to be paying most of the tab, but the Gordon Gekko-esque father had “agreed to cover the $89,919 cost of his side’s 79 wedding guests” only to renege and effectively tell the bride’s family to fuck off. That’s some coin for a wedding that never happened.
Stay tuned for further information on this shitshow. I know I will. .
[via The New York Post]
Image via Blue Water Grill Instagram