Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Weekends

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Things I've Gotten Worse At: Weekends

Read last week’s Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Music.


22-year-old John: Ahhhh, the weekend got here so quick! Who’s up for drinks after work?
28-year-old JR: I didn’t think I’d make it this week. Almost ended it all on Wednesday afternoon.

John: Damnit, nothing to eat! Bro, I’m gonna order us a couple ‘zas for later. Pequods sound good?
JR: Ehh, you’re right, we should probably hit Trader Joe’s. We’re out of groceries groceries.

John: I really shouldn’t stay out too late, I’ve got a BIG weekend planned. (stays out until 2AM)
JR: Great, she fell asleep a third of the way through Inception. Ironic.


John: (wakes up at 11 a.m.) Fuck I didn’t even get to sleep in.
JR: (wakes up at 9 a.m.) Fuck I slept in.

John: Do you think there’s time for me to hit the gym before we go to the beach?
JR: My back is a little tight. Looks like I’m not going to the gym this weekend.

John: The party doesn’t start until later so we have plenty of time to grab food and pregame tonight.
JR: What type of two-year-old’s birthday party starts at 10 a.m. and goes all afternoon?

John: Since I don’t do laundry until Sunday I guess I’m wearing something wrinkled from the basket.
JR: Yeah I’ll sit here for an hour while you try on everything Anthropologie has on sale. No, I won’t hold your purse.

John: Gotta stop by Costco to pick up an extra large bottle of Jack and more microwavable burritos! Can you come with me so I can use your card?
JR: We should probably hit Costco with the intent to buy three things and the reality of leaving with sixteen.

John: Dude, you know who I heard will be there tonight? So and so’s sister, she’s about to graduate.
JR: Dinner plans with that couple from your office? You did NOT put it on our calendar.

John: Nothing like a night out at the bar with my boys!
JR: What do you mean I was too quiet? They talked about their three-year-old the entire time, what was I supposed to contribute?

John: I hope I get laid tonight.
JR: Here come the desert menus. No way I get laid tonight.


John: Where are we meeting to watch the game today? Let’s find a spot with wings and post up.
JR: Oh sure, of course, I can’t skip brunch with your parents. It’s only Game 7.

John: Still nothing to eat in the fridge. Guess I’m ordering takeout!
JR: We should probably go back to Whole Foods for the stuff we forgot at Trader Joe’s on Friday and Costco on Saturday.

John: No, I don’t want to go on a hike. What a waste of time.
JR: No, I don’t want to go on a hike. There’s never been a time in my life I have said I want to go on a hike.

John: This apartment is filthy. (picks up beer cans) (half-assedly Swiffers)
JR: Just let me sit here in my chair and watch everything I’ve DVRed this week PLEASE!!!

John: I’ll start laundry way too late so I’m up half the night playing vid games while I wait for it to be done.
JR: Oh man, the Scaries are hitting me hard. I’m going to stare at the ceiling tonight for hours.

Monday morning

John: My weekend was epic! How was yours?
JR: I didn’t do anything this weekend.

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