22-year-old John: New year, new me!
28-year-old JR: New year, same me. My back hurts.
John: You know what? This is the year I’m going to get that raise I’ve been wanting. I’ve been at this company for six months and I deserve it.
JR: I’m going to continue to do the least amount of work possible while maximizing the amount of time I can spend outside the office.
John: Oof, put on a little weight since I graduated. Better cut back on the beer and stick to hard liquor for a while.
JR: Guess I’m doing this dry January bullshit again. As soon as February hits, though, I’m going right back to treating my body like a run down Indiana carnival.
John: Maybe I’ll join a local gym so I can get in really good shape for the summer.
JR: I’m going to cancel my gym membership altogether. Who am I kidding anymore?
John: I think it’d be advantageous to learn a new skill this year.
JR: I’ve pretty much given up on learning anything new. Looks like I’ll never own or operate my own grill (shrugs).
John: Do you think there’s time for me to learn a new language? I’ll see how much Rosetta Stone costs… “Can anybody lend me their copy of Rosetta Stone?”
JR: I took three years of German in high school. Still can’t sprechen zie shit.
John: Time to get serious and find a girl I’ll want to marry someday.
JR: I hope I don’t get tricked into getting married this year.
John: Maybe I’ll start traveling! I’ve only ever been to Florida, North Dakota and New York. Basically anywhere close enough for us to drive and sleep in the family van.
JR: I travel way too much for work.
John: Time to open my very first savings account. They say to start saving as early as possible, even though I have over $50K in student loans with an interest rate that took ten years off my father’s life.
JR: Is this the year I finally start saving money? Not if I want to go to Oktoberfest in the fall.
John: It’s really time to disconnect from social media altogether. I should get out there and enjoy myself.
JR: Awesome, The Departed just started. I’d better tweet about it. It’s my favorite movie!
John: Mom’s been telling me I should take up reading. I’ll head to the Borders Books in Lincoln Park and make a bunch of purchases. I’ll keep going back too, there’s no way they’re shutting down for good in six months.
JR: All due respect Mr. Costello? School is out.
John: It’s about time I gave up smoking too. Need to have a clear head to focus on my goals for this year.
JR: “Wait, like completely legal?”
John: The next free weekend I have, I’m going through everything in my apartment and making sure it’s completely organized.
JR: Every three months or so I throw everything I have away and donate half my clothes. I’m not sure if you heard but I’m done with jeans.
John: I need to spend more time with my family. They are the ones I’ll know the longest in my lifetime.
JR: Pretty sure my youngest brother thinks I’m some long haired cousin who stays over for every holiday.
John: Eight hours of sleep a night, gotta make sure I go to bed at a reasonable hour from here on out.
JR: One more episode and I’ll be good. I won’t do anything at work all day tomorrow so four hours of sleep will be fine.
John: Yessir, there’s going to be a lot of changes taking place this year. 2017 is the year of the new and improved John Hickey!
JR: Maybe I should try not to murder anybody this year. .