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Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Music

Things I've Gotten Worse At: Music

Read last week’s Thing’s I’ve Gotten Worse At: Drinking.

18-year-old John: There’s so much out there I haven’t heard yet!
28-year-old JR: There’s too much new stuff out there.

John: My 30GB iPod is almost completely full!
JR: I pretty much just listen to the same 30 songs over and over.

John: Oh yeah, I’ve heard of them. Their stuff’s pretty good, but have you heard of these guys?
JR: Never heard of them. I can tell by their name they sound awful.

John: “Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll buy the CD from Best Buy and burn you guys a copy if you give me $5 each. Deal?”
JR: My two buddies and I have a collaborative playlist on Spotify called Boners. It’s a mess.

John: I only listen to deep cuts and bootleg mixtapes. It’s all about being on the cutting edge of sound.
JR: I’m kinda into EDM. No matter how bad I am at dancing, I can dance to it.

John: The type of music I listen to affects the way I dress.
JR: The way I dress affects the type of music I listen to.

John: “Can I borrow your external hard drive and copy your music library?”
JR: Spotify Premium for life, son.

John: My mom threw my Parental Advisory CDs out my car window.
JR: I turned my mom onto Mumford and Sons. I’ll probably take her to a show for her birthday.

John: My dad hates my music.
JR: I’m starting to listen to a lot of the albums my dad played when we were kids.

In the car

John: “Let’s put on some tunes!” grabs 18-pound CD binder from backseat
JR: “What do you mean there’s no Bluetooth? You got an emergency aux cable somewhere?”

John: “You guys check out the tweeters I put in my 4Runner?”
JR: “You guys on Twitter?”

John: I love blasting music from my 12-inch subs so everyone around me knows what I’m listening to.
JR: I’m so glad nobody knows what I’m currently listening to.

Today’s music

John: How many mixtapes is Lil Wayne planning on dropping?! I mean I’m not complaining.
JR: Why does every new rapper today have a super white first name and an inanimate object for their last? Vince Staples, Casey Veggies, Earl Sweatshirt?

John: I know every word to Eminem’s final rap battle scene in 8 Mile.
JR: My brain hurts. All the time.

John: Kanye West is crazy good.
JR: Kanye West is crazy. It’s so good.

At concerts

John: “You guys think we can sneak drinks into this concert?”
JR: “You guys, I don’t think I can drink at this concert. I’m doing a month-long detox thing.”

John: Let’s get as close to the stage as possible.
JR: Let’s get as close to the bathrooms as possible.

John: I can’t believe they’re coming out for a THIRD encore! This is fucking epic!!!
JR: My feet hurt. Sits on ground.

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JR Hickey

Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015.

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