Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Friendship

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Things I've Gotten Worse At

Read last week’s Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Grocery Shopping.

At the office

21-year-old John: First day? Let me take you to lunch.
28-year-old JR: First day? Janet can answer any and all questions you might have.

21-year-old John: New to the city? You should come by to crush beers some weekend.
28-year-old JR: I live really far away. You wouldn’t know where it was.

21-year-old John: Dude are you wearing the same blue shirt as me? Let’s go out tonight and hunt for chicks together.
28-year-old JR: J Crew 40% off sale? Looks like our girlfriends drag us both to the same mall.

21-year-old John: You more of a tit guy or ass guy?
28-year-old JR: I’d just prefer that her face isn’t leathered and beat like a Native American bongo.

21-year-old John: It’s so great horsing around in the office with you guys. We need to find a rooftop bar on Saturday and talk shit about our other coworkers!
28-year-old JR: As soon as 5 p.m. on Friday hits, pretend I died three years ago.

Outside of work

21-year-old John: Bro you’re a Pack fan- I’m a Bears fan! Let’s meet at a bar every Sunday and talk shit to each other for eight hours straight.
28-year-old JR: I prefer to sit on my couch in a drunken stupor in front of RedZone with zero human interaction.

21-year-old John: How lucky is it that our girls are besties? You being a solid dude really makes double dating more bearable.
28-year-old JR: Babe, your friend’s husband is a toolbag. All he does is play golf. When I asked him his thoughts on the Draft he said he hopes it doesn’t get reinstated.

21-year-old John: Of course I’ll come be a sub for your office softball team! It’ll be tight to meet everyone I’ve heard so much about.
28-year-old JR: Sorry, I’ve got an early conference call I’m not going to dial into.

21-year-old John: How about after we crush this workout we go out and grab some grub?
28-year-old JR: Why is this loner at the gym talking to me? Go bother a homeless person or something.

21-year-old John: Totally intro me to your old roommate. If he’s moving to the city I want to make sure he knows somebody here he can trust!
28-year-old JR: Sorry, I’m gone most weekends. Tell him I heard online dating helps (shrugs)

With your actual friends

21-year-old John: Of course I’ll help you move apartments! You did me such a solid giving me a hand earlier this summer.
28-year-old JR: Here’s the number for the people we used. Good luck.

21-year-old John: Sorry to hear you and Kassie broke up. We definitely need a boy’s trip somewhere to get you laid. Vegas? Mexico?!
28-year-old JR: I think the receptionist at my office would blow ya.

21-year-old John: Let’s grab dinner! grabs bar happy hour menu
28-year-old JR: Let’s grab dinner. taps on Open Table

21-year-old John: When that day comes where I’m marrying the girl of my dreams, you eleven bros will be up there standing next to me.
28-year-old JR: Well I have three brothers and three guys I’ve known for more than ten years; that’ll probably do it.

21-year-old John: I would lie down in traffic for you guys. Thanks for always being there for me.
28-year-old JR: Dude, I didn’t realize you got off Facebook. M’bad. Happy belated birthday.

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