Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Fantasy Football

Email this to a friend


Things I've Gotten Worse At: Fantasy Football

Read last week’s Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Anniversaries.

24-year-old John: “You guys getting pumped for our draft?” I set aside my whole weekend to prepare for it.
28-year-old JR: Great, completely forgot about the draft and now I have to start while we’re at dinner and rush over there later.

John: Alright, fifty dollar buy-in, not bad.
JR: Our buy-in this season is more than my rent was in college.

John: While drafting, I’m going to go with my gut and it will most likely pay off.
JR: I’m going to pick based upon research and reason and it’ll 100 percent blow up in my face.

John: “Sure you can join if you’ve never played! I’m happy to walk you through how it all works.”
JR: “Sure you can join.” I’m happy to take all of your hard-earned money.

John: Always forget how long these take. Two hours in and we’re only on the 8th round!
JR: “Sorry I’m so late guys. Would have been here earlier if it weren’t for my Uber. God my driver made me so MAD…”

John: Need to grab a high touch RB in a run-first offense early on.
JR: “Reggie Bush is a solid player right?” I feel like he was good at one point.

John: “Anybody hear about this app FanDuel? It’s like printing money if you know your stuff!”
JR: Yeah, DFS are a rip-off.

John: I’m going to shake things up and draft a tight end earlier than I should!
JR: “What shaking? I’m not shaking, I’m just pumped that football is back! Hey, can I use your shower?”

John: I prefer to build my team off the waiver wire and scoop up any late bloomers throughout the season.
JR: I should pick this guy up because my coworker’s a Raiders fan and says he’ll be good *shrugs*.

John: I’m in three fantasy football leagues again this year. Love it.
JR: Got dragged into a bullshit work league AGAIN this year.

John: “Is there any more beer in the fridge? If not I can run out.”
JR: “Are those sirens getting louder?”

John: Let’s argue passionately about Yahoo versus ESPN for twenty-five minutes and get nowhere.
JR: Should we have that one random dude that nobody knew back this year? He contributed nothing.

John: “You know what would be fun? If we got our girlfriends to play in the league with us!”
JR: While asking the Capital R roommate to join would be a layup, I prefer my Sundays on the couch Han.

John: *tears up notebook* Back to the drawing board!
JR: *breaks bathroom window and leaps two stories*

John: By the end of the draft, nobody knows who any of these guys are!
JR: I don’t know who any of these guys are.

John: I can’t wait to go over my roster with the guys in the office tomorrow, in excruciating detail.
JR: I’m not going to let anyone at work know that I play fantasy. Fitting in isn’t all that important to me.

John: “Good luck this season everybody! Thanks in advance for all your money hahaha!”
JR: “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!” *drives off in dead Uber driver’s car*

Image via Youtube

Email this to a friend


Log in or create an account to post a comment.

Click to Read Comments (15)