Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Drinking

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Things I've Gotten Worse At: Drinking

Read last week’s Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Friendship.

21-year-old John: No Friday classes this semester, so it’s a three-day weekend! Let’s do this.
28-year-old JR: I guess I can stop off for a few pops.

John: I really like a bar that doesn’t have any windows. Really makes the time fly by!
JR: 3.5 stars on Yelp and half a mile from my place? I’ll give it a whirl.

John: Ooh, look they have fishbowls here. Let’s get the one with the different colored Swedish Fish in it!
JR: These cocktails look too sugary for me. “I’ll probably just get a Tito’s soda… don’t forget the lemon!”

John: “Light beers on special? We’ll take a half dozen of those.”
JR: “On second thought, do you have any pilsners? I don’t want anything too hoppy. Oh, and a water too? Sorry…”

John: I’m not feeling this beer; I think I’m going to switch to tequila.
JR: You know what they say- beer before liquor, never been sicker. My dad taught me that.

John: “This song is fucking awesome! When I get home I’m going to YouTube how to Dougie.”
JR: “I just wish we could go to a bar where we can hear each other talk.”

John: “Yeah keep it open.”
JR: “Close it.”

John: “Oh, and a shot of Jaymo too. Thanks!”
JR: “Can I get that water too? So sorry…”

John: “What type of bomb should we do? Vegas bomb? Irish car bomb?!”
JR: “When I was in Ireland I learned ordering a ‘car bomb’ is very offensive. It’d be like them coming here and trying to order a ‘9/11’.”

John: “Shots? Who’s doin’ shots? Let’s get a round of shots!”
JR: “Yeah I just got a cortisone shot earlier this week. It’s really done wonders for my bad hip.”

John: Now that I’m more than a few in, I’m going to go over to that group of Midwest 6s and try to FIND OUT.
JR: The Capital R is not going to be happy I’m coming home smelling like booze. I promised her we’d do some online shopping for the new place tonight.

John: “I’m going to grab us another round! What does everybody want?”
JR: “Can I get another water please? Sorry…”

John: I think I’m going to smoke a cigarette or two tonight.
JR: “Does anybody have any of their ‘medicine’ on them that I could sample?”

John: One last drink should do it! “Can you make a Long Island Iced Tea?”
JR: I’m falling asleep. “Can I get an Arny Palmie? Oh and another water. Sorry…”

John: “Dude, I don’t think I can drive home. Is it cool if I crash on your couch?”
JR: “I’m grabbing an Uber and getting the fuck out of here.”

*Upon arriving home*

John: pops open laptop (for porn)
JR: pops open bottle of Ibuprofen (for headaches)

*The next morning*

John: “Where we going tonight?!”
JR: I think I’m going to take a few weeks off drinking.

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