Columns

Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Business Trips

Things I've Gotten Worse At: Business Trips

Be sure to checkout the most recent Things I’ve Gotten Worse At:

24-year-old John: “Thanks for driving me to the airport babe! Can you open the trunk so I can grab my new suitcase from Marshalls?”
28-year-old JR: “Yeah, Uber for JR? Can you step on it? My flight leaves in 38 minutes.”

John: Man, they weren’t kidding about TSA being slow these days. Good thing I got to the airport two hours early so I’m not in a rush!
JR: strolls through Precheck

John: Oh damn, my flight is delayed three hours. Guess I’ll sit in the airport bar and try to make some friends!
JR: “Can I get on the next flight? The $200 change fee is fine.”

John: Southwest is such a fun and affordable way to fly. I love how they don’t have assigned seats!
JR: “Yes, no problem. I’ve operated plenty of emergency exit doors before.”

John: I’d better purchase wifi to knock out some work on the flight over. I don’t want my boss to see me offline during business hours.
JR: pops a Dramamine

John: I packed an extra phone and laptop charger as well as a spare set of earplugs, in case I lose or break anything on the trip.
JR: Whoops, forgot my laptop. I guess I’ll be working from my phone this afternoon. Or maybe sitting in a matinee showing of Neighbors 2 stoned instead.

John: I can’t wait to crush this client presentation when I get in. I should see if they want to grab drinks afterwards to really maximize my face-to-face time with them.
JR: “Look, I’ll keep this to under 30 minutes and I’m telling my boss I took you guys out to dinner tonight. Cool?”

John: $75 a day per diem! I can get hella apps at dinner.
JR: I’m going to expense this deep tissue massage as the client dinner.

John: I’ve definitely got to walk around downtown tonight and check out the sights! It’s not everyday you get to explore a brand new city.
JR: One of my clients told me to check out the restaurant downstairs, it’s supposed to be pretty good. dials room service instead

John: I should hit up everyone I know who lives here, since I have some free time tonight. I could reconnect with peeps I haven’t seen in awhile!
JR: I probably shouldn’t post anything on social media to avoid some random asshole from high school wanting to hang out.

the next morning…

John: This really blows having to catch a 7 a.m. flight back in the morning. My boss said she needs me in the office right at the start of business though!
JR: “Yeah, hi, can I get a late checkout?” Maybe I’ll tell my boss they needed me here another day and just take today and tomorrow off.

John: Oh man, I’m so tired from last night I totally forgot to take my water bottle out of my Marshall’s suitcase. I’ll run it through the scanner again.
JR: I hope they don’t find all the weed I’m flying with. Who am I kidding? I’m a white male going through TSA Precheck. I could be flying with a child in my carry-on and they’d still want to keep the line moving.

back in the office…

John: Doing that trip in 24 hours really took a lot out of me. I don’t know if I could do that again anytime soon.
JR: “Sure, where do you need me? I’ll leave tomorrow.”

Image via Shutterstock

Email this to a friend

JR Hickey

Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.

15 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More