Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Budgeting

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Read last week’s Things I’ve Gotten Worse At: Fitting In.

22-year-old John: Got my first paycheck! Wow, eight-hundred whole dollars. I hope I can stretch this out.
28-year-old JR: There’s no way it’s legal how much money they’re taking out for taxes.

John: *laughs* Why would I start paying off my student loans. I’ll just defer for as long as possible.
JR: So close to being done paying off these loans; only about ten more years to go.

John: I’ve really gotta stop going out to eat all the time!
JR: I’ve really got to stop showing up at out-of-state strip clubs like this.

John: Okay, I think I can get away with spending $45 a week on groceries.
JR: How can two people go to Costco four times a month? That doesn’t even seem possible.

John: Sorry, dude, there’s no way I can come visit. I’m tapped this month.
JR: I’ll just throw it on a cc. I need the points anyways.

John: Oh man, I should check to see if I have enough money in my checking account to cover this bar tab.
JR: I do not have enough money to pay for this stripper.

John: You know what, my rent’s due in two weeks. I’ll just have a well vodka soda.
JR: I’ll buy the first round and then forget and buy the next.

John: Once a year I try to get away for a long weekend. Somewhere cool, like Florida.
JR: No, we’re not going to Europe again this year. Go walk around the block.

John: My old man’s gonna kill me when he sees my statement.
JR: I’m going to kill this stripper.

John: Happy Birthday, babe. I hope you like the $40 necklace I got you from Nordstrom Rack!
JR: I’ve never heard of a Birthday Month before, it sounds like something a spoiled girl would make up.

John: I’ll take you out to dinner too – most likely a “fancy” chain restaurant where our bill won’t be over $150.
JR: Sure, I had to pay some Indian kid from Silicon Valley $150 for this reservation timeslot he hacked but anything for you during your “Birthday Month.”

John: Is your happy hour still going on?
JR: Where are your hacksaws? And 50-gallon trash bags?

John: I only use my credit card for emergencies.
JR: I really messed up spreading business and personal expenses out across three different cards for no rhyme or reason.

John: Oh man, it says the bus won’t be here for 27 minutes! Guess I’m forced to wait in the cold.
JR: I’ll prolly say this Uber ride was for a business trip.

John: I hope my next paycheck is deposited before my automatic payment is deducted.
JR: I hope I can get this smell out of the trunk of my car.

John: Here’s the plan: I’ll order a full order of pasta at this work lunch so I can take half home for dinner tonight.
JR: *waves at Whole Foods cashier* Hey Simone…

John: I usually just wait until Christmas to ask for some new clothes.
JR: A clothing website is having a one-day only online sale. Better stock up for the fall before it’s too late!

John: I think it’s definitely a good idea to write out a budget.
JR: I think I have a serious problem.

Image via Shutterstock

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