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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Train For A Half Marathon

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Train For A Half Marathon

“Like, honestly, how hard can it be?” she asked Todd while looking at a training calendar on her laptop. “My friend Sarah did it and she’s, like, not in shape at all.”

As she sat Indian-style on her slipcovered couch in a bright pair of neon-patterned Nike Pro Combat leggings and her hair in a messy bun, Todd flicked through the channels trying to find a movie to watch to pass the time on their hungover Sunday. When he found Ocean’s 11 playing for the millionth time on TBS, he knew it would only be a matter of time before he would be asked to change it to Say Yes to the Dress.

“I mean, look, I can start training tomorrow and be ready in ten weeks which would be perfect for the one Caroline and Megan are doing.”

There were seven tabs open on her computer — her email, the half marathon training schedule that she found on Google Image Search, a list of half marathons going on in the city over the next six months, a pair of new Nike Flyknits, a Nike Fuel Band, a Lululemon Swiftly Tech Long Sleeve Crew, and a link to organic non-GMO dog food.

“Todd,” she addressed him. “How hard was it to train for that half you did last spring?”

“I mean,” he hesitated, “It wasn’t easy. Doing the long runs every Saturday sucked and it made me really not want to go out and do much that night considering all the exercise I’d done earlier in the day.”

“But, like, you didn’t run every Saturday, though,” she responded while fixing her hair and customizing a monogrammed pair of shoes on the NikeID site.

Todd, confused, pretended to think long and hard about his running schedule despite the fact that he knew that he ran every Saturday for ten weeks in preparation.

“Uh, nope, I pretty much ran every Saturday. I didn’t even go out on St. Patrick’s Day, remember?”

She looked at him, puzzled. She was trying to decipher whether or not it was actually necessary to do the full training regimen, or if the “runner’s high” she’d been reading about on the Livestrong website would get her through it.

Todd, still not convinced that she could fully commit to ten entire weeks of training, decided not to fight the battle for fear that she’d scrap the idea altogether once she realized that the training (and subsequent reduced drinking) would interfere with her already scheduled events — one bachelorette party, two wedding showers, one wedding, and their trip to Napa over Memorial Day.

When she began filling in her Google Calendar with her running dates and mileage, she too had the realization that her schedule was going to be too busy for the required training because the thought of being sober for any of the events approaching was too miserable to bear (especially considering the lack of ring on her finger for the wedding shower).

While Todd became more and more invested in Ocean’s 11, she opened up an eighth tab on her browser and typed “5K training” into her search bar. Hesitant to express her thoughts out loud, she thought to herself, “Okay, this might be more my speed,” before mentally adding up all of her shopping carts. Rummaging through her tote trying to find her wallet, she finally noticed what was playing on the television.

“Can we watch Say Yes To The Dress instead of this stupid movie?”

“Sure,” Todd responded. “I think I’m going to go have a beer at Kilkenny’s with this new guy from work.”

With a faked frown and puppy-dog eyes, she looked at Todd and simply asked, “Whoooo?” But as Todd put on his jacket and slid his phone into his pocket, he ran his hand through his hair before brushing her off.

“Eh, I don’t think you know him.”

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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