After going to Austin City Limits this year, I figured I was going to bow out forever. Whether I was sweating through my shirt, drinking hot wine out of a water bottle, or trying to get as close to the stage without suffocating, I just realized that I’m a washed-up has-been who can’t stand festivals anymore.
Until this morning.
Turns out there’s going to be a full-on festival in Atlanta dedicated to brunch. “Brunch?” you ask. Yes, brunch.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Historic 4th Ward Park
Atlanta loves brunch, and we will host an event to celebrate some of the best restaurants in the brunch game, as well as your favorite brunch beverages: bloody marys, mimosas, beer and wine.
Full details and new website coming soon, tickets go on sale in January
Atlanta Beer Festivals, if you’re out there reading this, you listen and you listen good — I want to be the keynote speaker. My demands? They’re minimal. I need a green room that locks exclusively from the inside, in addition to the following:
— Musical Guest Kid Rock ft. Justin Bieber & Ellie Goulding
— One Chambong Per Squad Member
— A Metal Tub With Endless Rosé
— A Ball Pit With Fresh California Avocados In Place Of The Balls
— Fifty (50) Xanax
— On-Hand Nurse, Complete With IVs
— A Strict Dress Code Of Patagonia Baggies and Oversized Longsleeve Pocket Tees
— Every Victoria’s Secret Angel
To contact me regarding this opportunity, email me at email@example.com. .