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The Worst Things People Did This Weekend Will Make You Feel Like You Have Your Life Together

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Worse Weekends Than You by visiting the archive. Email your stories to will@grandex.co.

The Worst Things People Did This Weekend Will Make You Feel Like You Have Your Life Together

I did it. I went against everything I stand for and went out on a Sunday night. It was for a special occasion, yes, but that doesn’t mean that drinking enough cocktails to feel it in the morning was a better idea than staying in bed watching whatever’s on HBO.

But in the weekend that was, going out on a Sunday isn’t even a blip on the radar. Sunday Scaries (and overflow Monday Blues) were in full effect as evidenced by everyone who wrote in.

Woke up after a mild blackout to discover that I had posted numerous pics to my snapchat story with poorly drawn penises on them. Apparently, after 10 beers, I turn into the kid from Superbad who can’t stop drawing dicks on everything.

Part of the reason I’m glad that I under-utilize Snapchat is because I don’t have to wake up in the morning and do the damage control after a big night out.

Have never had a reason for the scaries before but have a full-blown case right now.

Our CEO has been piling on work to my team leader to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore and quit on Friday. She went out swinging and sent let the board of directors know about everything that was going on within the office. The CEO did not take that well.

All of her work now falls on me and we have two major events in the next two weeks. Really looking forward to Monday.

Just quit, man. The responsibility’s not worth it and it sounds like the old team leader went out with middle fingers in the air which is a move I respect.

Late submission, but why would I be writing this if I wasn’t a procrastinating jackass. Long story long, college buddy came to town… blacked out by 9 Friday night, woke up to my pants and shoes in middle of a shared courtyard and my door kicked open (allegedly by me) with correct key in said door… ? Saturday more of the same. Lost two credit cards, 1 in my room and 1 I didn’t know about that was found while searching bars for 1st card. Mother’s Day Sunday dinner at fancy restaurant consisted of shakes, sweating, and an uneaten crab cake. Sorry Mom

When will bars start taking Apple Pay so we don’t have anything to worry about but losing our phones? I’ve canceled enough credit cards in my day in lieu of picking them up from the bar the next day, and I can’t fathom why we can’t use a phone to pay considering we use it for everything else.

Went to a graduation party. Drank out a fishbowl I found on an empty table. Told my fuck buddy I loved him. Destroyed my immune system and my non relationship all in one night.

Yeah, so, “probably not the move” is a phrase that sums up everything here.

I actually have almost no recollection of this weekend, but I’m told I tried to get another shamrock tattoo, I definitely asked multiple bartenders if they ever go skiing (they had no idea what I was talking about), and I tried to fight off the shakes with a beer I couldn’t finish. I realized that I ate maybe three meals in three days and drank the rest of my calories. I’m in the middle of a four hour flight home fighting one of the worst hangovers I’ve ever had, everyone in this plane is sneezing and blowing their nose, and I kinda want to die. I wasn’t smart enough to take Monday off so I have to work in 8 hours. Sobriety is starting to look really appealing.

I could not be a bigger proponent of not flying on a Sunday after a big weekend. You need to do everything in your power to hang back and work remotely the next day rather than put yourself through it. You’re never more positive a plane will go down than when you’re hungover and rocking Sunday Scaries.

Today was a pretty good day. I crushed it with a nice brunch for my mom and grandma. Grandma is inexplicably shitty to waitresses, but at 89 I don’t think she cares anymore. My only recompense was to tip generously and make apologetic eye contact. Later on,I made the poor decision of having a cocktail or 6 with some friends this evening. Now I’m sitting here trying to sleep while I get boozy hiccups every 30 seconds. I think my neighbors are becoming concerned as I shout FUCK YOU and punch my stomach in some vain attempt to make it stop. At this point evisceration or Tums both seems like legitimate solutions.

I don’t know why but this made me feel really uncomfortable.

Well Will I’m only emailing as to not break the streak of doing something dumb every weekend. As you know, quite a few of us spent the weekend in Florida together so that’s just a dangerous recipe for dumb drunk things. Anyway if I had to choose one, I’d have to say that dropping my phone into the ocean takes the cake. I was playing music and taking snaps in the water and gave it to a fellow PGPer. She threw it back to me but I dropped it. Another PGPer dove down into the water and heard it still playing music. After about 5 minutes he was able to locate it and grab it. Thank god for him and lifeproof cases cuz my phone was perfectly fine. Lots of other dumb shit happened that I’ve been asked not to repeat so unfortunately y’all will have to remain in the dark about what truly occurred on this first annual PGP vacation. All I can say is that I greatly look forward to the next one. Oh yeah, I just landed at SFO and have a 2 hour drive home so gotta love the scaries I’m experiencing.

You really need to clarify early on that you had a lifeproof case because that was a rollercoaster of emotion. I’ve lost one phone to water damage and have weekly nightmares of falling in the water with my phone in my pocket.

But from the sounds of it, a wet phone is the least of the worries coming from that PGP Florida Trip.

As always, email your worst stories of the weekend to will@grandex.co (not .com). Don’t do it for yourself – do it for those who need it.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at will@grandex.co.

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