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The Worst Things Our Readers Did This Weekend Will Make You Hate Yourself Less

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The Worst Things Our Readers Did This Weekend Will Make You Hate Yourself Less

After doing a wine tasting and putting myself into a barbecue coma, I had the pleasure of going back to the bar where I made a killing on Saturday night. No, not for a drink, but to do one of the most dreaded things in the history of hangovers – pick up my card from the night before.

I showed ID to walk in, struggled to get the attention of the bartender, and finally had her searching through a stack of what appeared to be hundreds of cards. While I waited at the bar, I dumped my entire wallet out and saw the very card I was looking for. It had been in my wallet the entire time.

Did I feel stupid? Of course. But reading through the worst things our readers did this weekend made me feel a lot better about it.

I got home from the bars, ordered Dominos, and watched Rudy until 5am. I realized how stupid and cheesy the movie was and couldn’t believe how much I used to like it, but still drunkenly cried at the end.

He was offsides, but yeah, decent movie.

Made a group chat with me, a guy Ive hooked up with literally only twice, and one of my friends so we could both sext him. Deleted the messages from my phone but sadly not my mind.

Wait, am I missing something here? You had a three-way group chat with a guy you’ve messed around with a bit? Even if you spent the night mainlining vodka-sodas into your system, I don’t understand how that could ever possibly be a good idea.

Oh, and the subject of this email was “Euthanize Me,” so yeah, she’s in a bad place.

I blacked out and put $100 on black. Then I cried when it landed on red. It wasn’t tight…

As far as gambling debts go, $100 is just a drop in an ocean-sized well.

Poop my pants a little on Sunday morning.

I mean, not idea but even Kris Jenner does that every once in a while.

Gross.

im not a club guy at all, but got dragged to one for someones birthday saturday night. found the one tv in the entire place and was very active in my cheering for UNC. made friends with other non-club guys who would’ve rather been at a dive bar watching. got very drunk and celebrated the win by buying a round of patron for everyone who cheered with me. the tab was the same as my car payment.

That’s why I don’t go to the club. One knee-jerk decision can cost you way, way more than you want to spend. I’m not trying to fish myself out of debt because I got lost in the sauce at Rio.

Got way too drunk at a wine festival and shattered my phone screen within the first hour. Then spent my Sunday at 16 restaurant an all you can eat macaroni and cheese cook off. My body hates me.

A shattered screen can make even the most relaxing of weekends feel like absolute hell. Even just seeing someone with a shattered screen spikes my heart rate a bit.

My scaries are normally nothing to write home about, but while driving home alone after a weekend with friends, my brain decided that now was the time to start mentally preparing for my parents’ deaths. They are in their early fifties and in fine health. I have no explanation. I also got an email from Personal Capital saying that my spending was 2k higher than this time last month, so I’ve been obsessively reviewing transactions all night. Talk me down.

It’s the “Did I Kill Someone Last Night?” Syndrome. Even if nothing has gone wrong or will go wrong, your Scaries will trick you into thinking something monumentally terrible has or will happen. “Did I kill someone last night?” you ask yourself when, in reality, all you did was blackout at a bar and forget your card there.

Or, you know, maybe that card is still in your wallet.

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Will deFries

Will deFries (@WilldeFries) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. Email me at will@grandex.co.

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