Last night, I was doing that whole lie-on-your-back-in-bed-and-scroll-your-phone-with-your-arms-fully-extended thing when I got a notification about my buddy’s girlfriend liking a photo of mine on Instagram. I haven’t posted a photo in over a week, so I became curious as to what tickled her fancy. After clicking on the notification, I saw this:
Furthermore, there are two additionally curious parts about my other buddy’s girlfriend accidentally liking my photo. First, her and I have never met so we don’t even follow one another. Am I hitting her with a follow after we crush a wedding together next week? Yeah, of course, I am. But I’m slow-playing this situation to keep her on her toes despite the fact that I’ve already looked at all of her photos too. Additionally, she unliked my photo moments after I got the notification, which screams, “Holy shit, I’m so embarrassed I just liked my boyfriend’s friend’s photo from 51 fucking weeks ago.”
As dumb as we all agree social media can be, we’ve all been in the midst of an embarrassing social media moment that makes you want to spike your phone into ground hoping that no one sees it.
Liking Your Boyfriend’s Friend’s Instagram From Over A Year Ago
Case and point: above. I don’t care who you are, but trying not to like someone’s old Instagram photos when you’re in the midst of a deep creep is more stressful than navigating a minefield with your shoelaces tied together.
If you’re that deep in someone’s Instagram, you might as well hand the phone to your mom so she can double-tap the screen trying to zoom in on it, henceforth liking the photo instead. You’re playing with fire either way.
Sending A Spam Message To All Your Friends
The worst part about sending a spam message to every single one of your Facebook friends isn’t the possibility that you may or may not have some type of virus on your computer. It’s that you were clearly stupid enough to click something that visibly looked sketchy as hell. Whether it was a message that started with “OMG, look at this photo of you from Saturday!” or just an attempt to get a Walmart gift card, you still didn’t have the mental acuity to avoid putting yourself in this situation.
Typing Someone’s Name As Your Facebook Status Instead Of Searching For Them
My friend once attempted “searching” for his girlfriend’s hot boss and subsequently just made the hot boss’s name his Facebook status. This may sound dramatic, but the only move after doing that is joining the Witness Protection Program. I’d be flat-out inconsolable if I did that.
Not only are you about to field questions from your girlfriend about the potential of you being a cheater for the next two years, but you’re also the dude who’s getting blatantly pervy on social media in the comfort of your own home. I’d rather never talk to any of my friends again than face that music.
Forgetting To Turn Private Session On In Spotify
If you don’t indulge in some quasi-embarrassing music here and there, then you’re either the most vanilla person ever or you’re a straight up liar. I have a “Guilty Pleasure” playlist littered with Ellie Goulding, Natasha Bedingfield, Katy Perry, Demi Lovato, and Carly Rae Jepsen. Is that playlist fireflames? Of course, it is. Look at who’s on it. But do I want people to know I’m listening to it on a Tuesday afternoon at my desk? Nah. That puts out a weird vibe. Vis a vis, yeah, I utilize Private Sessions once in a while to not embarrass myself.
But every once in a while I’ll get a message or Snapchat commenting on how I’m “crushing The Cranberries on repeat” or “going in on Lorde.” And then I end up making an excuse about how someone else was using my Spotify before throwing on Kid Rock to make up for it.
When LinkedIn Sends Out An Email Notification Centered Around You
And the thing is, it’s not even your fault, man. Trying to have a low key birthday or not confront that you’ve been at your dead-end job for three years? LinkedIn doesn’t give a fuck. They want everyone to know about your work anniversary and they’re not apologizing to anyone. .
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